Last Night...Anything but Sweet Dreams

Last night was anything but sweet dreams.

I fell asleep at one point, and woke up in the
midst of a nightmare.  I didn't feel safe, and
I dreamt that there was someone unwelcome
in the house, and that it wasn't the first time.

I also dreamt that my car had been stolen
more than once.

I believe vehicles in dreams represent our
body.  I guess in some ways, my body has
been "stolen" from me by "someone"
unwanted and undesirable, and that "person"
leaves me feeling afraid.

In the dream I never saw the person, in the
same way that I have never seen cancer.
In the dream I just knew "he" was there,
in the house, as I could hear him, in the
same way that I have been told the cancer
is there (in the "house" of my body), and I
can "hear" it.

I think my dreams may have been my
unconscious' way of helping me to release
my fears.  Even though I knew someone was
in the house, instead of running away, I still
went inside, as terrified as I was.

I also wasn't alone.  So I imagine that helped.

As I was having this dream, I had a friend
with me on Skype.  It was very comforting.
Wondering if that had anything to do with it.

In addition, to waking up from this dream I
found myself very tired, and yet awake, for
a few hours afterward.  It wasn't until after
four in the morning that I was able to go
back to sleep.

I guess you could say I am feeling pretty
unsettled these days for many of the reasons
I voiced in my previous blog.

I told my friend last night that I want to live,
but I want to LIVE in my life.  And if I can't,
then it makes it very difficult for me to sort
through the array of emotions that come
along with that.

I have a lot to share and give.

I know I do.

I just wish I knew why there are many times I 
can't even seem to GIVE it away.