Thursday, February 7, 2013

My Current State/Status

There are over 300 entries in this blog.  Several of which have rarely, if ever, been seen.  I tell you this because I recognize the fact that not everything I say or do will be noticed - or cared about - by everyone.

And that is fine.

However, because of the fact that I know that a lot isn't seen, or heard, or noticed, and because you may even be here for a first time, you may not know what has gone on with me, and what is currently going on with me, and might not know how to find out - easily.

So this is me trying to make it easy on you.

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer (I never capitalize the word cancer.  I don't think it deserves that much importance) in May of 2012.  I was thinking last night that in 3 months it will be a year.  I have lived three quarters of a year with the awareness of cancer in my life.

From the time I found out til now I have had a hysterectomy and have had 3 types of chemo.  One of the first chemos I had, my body reacted to, so I had to get on a different secondary one.  I have reluctantly had a chemo port in because my veins no longer were cooperating in terms of getting the treatment.

I, as a hypnotist, used hypnosis while being treated.

I, as a blogger, have used my blog to share my experience.  It was anonymous at first, but it became publicly me as I realized that I was going to need help to get through the "experience of cancer." I didn't know what I was going to write about in the beginning.  And at first there weren't very many blogs, either. Over time, though, I started to share many things.  Many things that I now call "the good. the bad. the ugly."

Some would probably call it TMI (too much information).

I was determined from the start not to sugarcoat my experience.  I wasn't going to smile through cancer; I did not think that was going to be realistic.  And it was far from it.

Did I smile at times?  Yes.

Was I challenged at times?  Often.

Am I still challenged even now that chemo is over?  Yes.

You might wonder why.  If you are anything like me, you hear stories of those going through cancer but you never hear the stories of what comes next. You don't hear about how chemo stays in the person's body for months after treatment. You don't hear how it affects their brain. You don't hear a lot of things. The "advertising" is misleading.

While I am able to do some things, I have been working for myself for years.  So there was no job to go back to. I basically went out of business.  And to make things even more interesting, now that I am "back in business" I am in the process of creating myself anew.  I know I can help others who are dealing with cancer, and set up Relatingtocancer.com as my introduction to this "new" thing.

In addition, I have begun to educate on ovarian cancer. I had symptoms that I didn't know were symptoms.  They are common symptoms, and often misdiagnosed symptoms. If you at least know what is possible, you can take better care of yourself and those you love. Ovarian cancer is a big killer because it often goes undiagnosed - or misdiagnosed - until too late.

I also want to do more talks on the effects of cancer - not necessarily the effects of treatment. While there are times the two go hand in hand, I am talking more about the societal impact, more about how people interact with this word "cancer," and ultimately me, as a result.

If you choose to go through my blog you will see how my journey went.  This blog is in no way intended to entertain anyone.  I tell you this because in many ways it is all about me and my journey. There are times I am mindful of the fact that someone could be reading my words, but I write for myself primarily.  Secondarily I write (and do videos) to share what my experience is.  I do this because it is becoming more and more clear to me that many people don't have a clue what it is like to deal with a situation like mine.

They often want to fix it or ignore it.

Sadly, my experience is not unique.  But the fact that I am willing to talk about it the way I do, seems to be.  So many have told me I should not be as public.  Do I want to be as public as I am? Not really. And in the beginning, no freaking way.  But the fact is at this point I feel driven.  I feel like I do not have a choice, and that this is something that is incredibly important.

Statistics say that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 2 men could have cancer in their lifetimes.  I had been one to stick my head in the sand and hope that it never personally touched me.  Well, it did. And not only did it, but it was nothing like I thought it would be (not that I really even had a clue - just like most people I talk to).  There are few words that can truly describe what an experience like cancer is like, although I use thousands to try.

In the middle of all of this, I am financially crumbling.  While I have gotten some money, donations haven't been anywhere near what I might have hoped for.  I don't need to live large, but I need to live. My health insurance is $560 per month at the moment, and about to go over $700.  Try paying a bill like that, watching what minimal amount of money you have dwindle.  I just applied for food stamps.

People will have you think there are lots of organizations that will help you financially.  Sadly, that is not true, and many of them have limitations of who they can help by the type of cancer one has. If you are not on the list, sorry, but you are out of luck.

I do not want to ask for help. I never have. I hate it. I hate it more than you may ever realize. I would much rather work for my money. But when you don't have a choice, and survival is at risk, you do what you got to do. You ask for help. You plead. You beg. And you hope that those who are on the other end at least understand, even if they don't give you a helping hand.

Having said that...I STILL VERY MUCH NEED HELP.  I always tell people even $1.00 helps.  My blog has now been viewed over 7,000 times. If every time a blog entry was viewed, a person gave me $1.00, I would have $7,000! As it is, it is no where near that.

There is a lot here. You might find yourself overwhelmed. You might find yourself in tears. You might find yourself intimidated. You might find yourself amazed. Whatever you are feeling, just imagine how it would be to be living it.  Just imagine what it would be like to find yourself in a place that no one wants to be. From what I understand, many think it will "never happen to them." Even if they were to get cancer, what happens to other people would never happen to them - but then it does.

At least if you have a true look at what an experience of cancer can be like, maybe you will come away with some understanding that will help you or help someone in your life - or help even a total stranger. I would love it if you see something in me and my story and would and could help me, but if what I say and do in some way makes a difference for another (while it can't directly pay my bills or keep a roof over my head and isn't edible) it will do my heart good.

with JoLoPe

Even a $1 Donation Helps!
Thank you! Truly.

You can also check out Cedonaah

(Wallpapers for free, but you can donate
for ones you like - if you like)

You can also help by helping me get the word out
by sharing about me and my message on these
sites (or any other ones you think suitable):


Also keep me in mind for guest blogs
and arenas/avenues for talks.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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