Sunday, June 29, 2014

What Would You Do?

What would you do if someone you cared about was dealing with cancer, and was financially strapped, and running out of money?

What would you do if that person was you?

Keep in mind that there are relative few organizations that actually financially help an individual. Also keep in mind that Disability is a bear to get, and in some cases a burden to have.

Imagine you have products you could sell - provided you could find an audience. But it often seems people avoid you, quite possibly because they're avoiding "cancer."

Imagine the discomfort many have around the word "Money."

Imagine the potential skepticism of those who think any plea is a scam.

Imagine many imagining that others will help, so why should they?

Imagine some judging your need to not be as great as you say.

Imagine others need "help," too, so they're reluctant to help in any way - even though even $1 would count.

Imagine you've asked, and even literally begged, for help for months already.

Imagine there have been those who say they will help, but never deliver. How can you ask for a "gift" when they just proceed to ignore you or the fact that they ever offered anything.

Imagine how difficult it is to be in treatment, and barely able to get out of bed most days.

Imagine that very few understand the nature of what you are dealing with, and more often than not if there is help, it only comes when you are at your worst.

Imagine even those closest to you uncomfortable asking for help on your behalf.

Imagine spectators watching, and occasionally cheerleading, telling you to fight...

Imagine having uncertainty about where you might be living, having an inability to make an income, not having a job, no one to lean on financially, no partner for support, no kids, and no incredible story to market to the masses, having bills to pay, food to buy, and needing to survive, but feeling helpless to do so.

What in the world would you do?

I have tried so many different things, and I am running out of energy, ideas and even hope. Everyone tells me I gotta have hope. I gotta fight.

For what?

I am really scared by the way things are looking. There have been times I have just thought to give up. I don't even have to do anything to end it all; cancer would take care of it for me.

I can't handle all of the many aspects of survival simultaneously. I just can't. I get badgered by people who mean well. I sleep a lot. I try to do what I can to "advertise" and support myself. I ask for help.

If I could at least stop worrying about money, I could focus what energy I have on doing what I can to get better in other ways. The stress can not be helping.

I have tried over and over and over andover  with 250+ videos and over 1000 blog entries and posts and pictures to convey my situation in a way that others might have compassion and help. I often feel that I am "marketing my illness," but not, apparently very well.

How would you feel if you had to "market" your illness to survive?

I never wanted to be so public. Never. Ever. Every step has been awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes misunderstood and/or misjudged. 

Many will never say anything publicly for concern for these types if ramifications. I imagine some are fairly desperate, too, but there are others who may have family or friends or a community of great support and willingness to help. Unfortunately, I don't. Unfortunately I need to ask for the kindness of strangers, and hope they have a part if them that can identify with some part if who I am, or my need.

Believe me when I say I would so rather not ask. If I stop asking, one of two things is most likely to have occurred: by some miracle, I got a large influx of money that allows me to, or two, I have given up.

I feel like I walk dangerously close to the line, but I really hope it can ultimately be the former, and not the latter.

If you can help in any way, please do. If you are willing to ask for help on my behalf, even $1s can add up. I have Mp3s I sell, and prints, and can even offer myself as a hypnotist. I need help getting money, and I am not adverse to trying to find ways to make it.

I am also in the process of writing a book. Instead of writing here, I have been writing privately, and hope to have something to publish soon. If you could help me promote it and/or share about it, or would be interested in a copy, that would be good to know. I'd also be willing to talk to organizations and groups that might be willing to use my Cedonaah work for a fundraiser for themselves.

Please contact me if you can help in sny way. If you are willing to donate financially, or would like to see the work I sell, please go here:

I need to update it, as my situation had changed, and I am currently undergoing treatment with the intent to do surgery.

If you want to help, but need more info, please ask. Dealing with cancer is one of the worst things ever - on every and any level. I wish it on no one. At the same time, those who can avoid it, do, and so few truly understand how horrendous it really is.

Knowing all of this...what would you do?

Thank you for reading. 

Friday, June 20, 2014

The Experts - A Poem

The Experts will tell you 
where to pay 
your attention
They'll tell you when 
you are beyond all redemption
The experts will 
tell you what you need. 
Best to 
take heed.
A bargain for their
$5k golden steed. 
Inflation of their price 
inflates your ego
Where do you 
go for answers?
Anywhere but within
There is cause for 
it is those things that 
has you in your life 
remain willing to listen 
to what others 
say they know 
instead of what 
you do 
Scorned are those 
who dare to question 
and speak their mind. 
An independent 
thought becomes 
harder to find. 
through the mind 
is a 
Others will tell you 
they know 
more and better
what you need. 
Is that