I don't know if I should just stop eating, but I feel sick when I don't.
I can't sleep at night because I am in a lot of pain, and wake up when I actually get to sleep. I know my doc probably will tell me it has nothing to do with the scan at this point, and maybe it doesn't, but I am unwilling to let it off the hook that easily - given that when it comes to so many things Medicine, I am the exception to the rule.
It is making it hard for me to do pretty much anything. I keep hoping I can go to sleep, as when I do there is some reprieve while I stay there. But it isn't something I can seem to do.
I also can't get comfortable lying down or sitting, and have already changed positions several times in the few minutes I have been typing this.
Some people seem to think it makes no sense that I say I can't do stuff, but then can write about it. Given how I feel, I'd almost rather not do this, either. But then I would just be lying here, doing nothing - but feeling miserable.
I feel like I want to scream. I just do not know what to do. I have already taken more medicine than I usually do/want to. I had someone tell me that with gas there isn't much you can do once it is there - except get it out.
It has been bad on occasion since my first really bad attack after the hysterectomy. But it has never been this bad for this long. There are days I feel like I am losing my mind.
I have cried, prayed, asked for help. I have meditated as well as I was able. Used hypnosis.
I began this yesterday, but it was never finished/published. I know there was more I was going to say, as the draft stopped mid-sentence. But I do not know what that was, so I am just gonna call it complete and publish this.