and waking up way too early this morning after
going to bed later than usual (these days, any
way) I am feeling much more optimistic and up.
It probably helps that I spoke with a friend last
night that told me how much I impacted her at
this point in her life - based on something I did
10+ years ago. It almost felt like one of those
"It's a Wonderful Life" moments (you know,
the ones in which you do something, but you
have no idea what you did.)
I knew at the time that what happened was
impactful, but I just remember having a good
time with her, and another friend. I really didn't
think about the idea of any long lasting
impact from the time we spent together.
It also likely helps that I am getting signs of things
that are telling me that I am headed in the "right"
(if there is such a thing) direction. Before I knew
what was going on with me, and right after I found
out, I knew with clarity, there were things I needed
to do, and I knew I needed to do them quickly.
Apparently listening to that inner voice is likely
what saved my life. It just so happened, though,
that I was in incredible discomfort that was getting
worse by the day. So, in some ways, I really didn't
have a choice. At the same time, I could have
chosen to handle things differently, and the results
may have been very different.
In addition, I am in the process of writing a
hypnosis script for myself. I believe that hypnosis
is an incredible tool, and that is why there is an
urgency around me using it as I go through chemo.
I have known for a while that I wanted to do
something, but haven't been clear about what,
and wanted to give myself some breathing room.
Yesterday the dam broke, and there has been quite
a flow for the script. It may seem odd to say, but
I am kinda excited about what possibilities may
lie in my very personal experiment.
Last, but not least, I recorded a video yesterday.
I got an idea that I might want to share my experience
with others in more than just words. There have been
so many questions I have had, and there is no "rule
book" as far as I can tell. The irony is, even if there
was one, I bet I would be making my own rules,
any way :P.
I also got kinda excited about what possibilities
lie in a video series. I like that I am giving myself
opportunities to just be me...so much of what I have
done is still me, but it has been me crafted to look
reasonably good and put together. After all, would
you want a coach and hypnotist that didn't have it
all together?
Well...that is what some would say, any way.
The fact is, though, that I am hardly perfect, and
it is nearly impossible right now to try to pretend
to be anything other than what I am at the moment.
I have to say, it is incredibly liberating.
Wasn't sure how or when I would post yesterday's
video, but decided on a whim to include it today.
So if you are interested...here you go.
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