Tuesday, February 24, 2015

I Get That People Want to Help

Laying in bed. Nauseous. Stomach cramps. You know; the good stuff :p I get a text about an organization that I have known about since practically Day 1 of diagnosis. 

It doesn't help how I feel. 

Often when a new person shows up in my picture they try to be helpful. They come to me with pretty much the things I already know about that aren't helpful. They are the same things that others - many others - have also found previously - and offered as a way to "help." 

I get that people want to help. I do. It is just really hard to have to keep repeating myself. If you had been dealing with something almost 3 years, might you have not already investigated appropriate options? In that time, might not someone else have already travelled that same Google Route you did? 

There is the theory that things "can't hurt," especially if they are done with love and good intention. I am not sure I agree. Having to interact with the same stuff over and over takes a toll. Having to respond takes a toll. Being considered rude or ungrateful with no reply, or a reply taken in a not so good way takes a toll. 

I share this not only for my sake, but for others you may interact with along the way. Someone who has dealt with something major for any length of time is likely to be an expert in it. 

Odds are you are doing more to make yourself feel better than helping them, especially if your offer is of the information category. You can potentially save yourself time and effort asking the person what they need, or what would benefit them at this time, and acting on that. 

I often feel like I wind up telling people they wasted their time. I don't say it like that; but it is pretty much what it amounts to. 

I am grateful people take the time and are willing to make an effort, but - depending on what it is, and what it is about -  is may not be the  kind of effort that is likely to have the best return these days - for either of us.

Ps want to help? Got a $1? Patreon.com/jolope can help you help me. Thank you.

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