Sunday, November 11, 2012



That is what I am.

That is what I have been for the last day, or two.

I am on the edge of tears.

I am not exactly sure why.

I have some thoughts.

It could be the chemo.

It could be that the end of treatment is coming.

It could be that I am releasing energy.

It could be that I am tired.

It could be that I feel unsupported.

It could be that I feel confused.

It could be that there is a lot of uncertainty.

It could be I am about to face things that I am not ready to.

It could be a lot of things.

Someone today told me that I am "needy."

It certainly didn't help.

My first reaction, I didn't think so.

My second reaction, tears.

My third reaction, even if I was - or am -
I have been through so much in the last
several months, what is so wrong with
feeling like I need something from someone?!

My fourth reaction, pissed off.

That's what I get for talking to someone
about what I am feeling.  This is why I
have difficulty sharing things sometimes:
you get unhelpful, unwarranted "help"
and perspective.

I really think many people who haven't
had to deal with cancer personally don't
have a bloody clue of what I am going

And...it hurts.

It hurts. So much, and in so many ways.


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