Thursday, November 20, 2014
There are some days I just don't know how I can keep going. I fall apart. I consider what it would be like to just give up and give in, and how easy it would be to just surrender to cancer. Re-reading those words, I haven't even conveyed the impact of how devastated I feel. Every thing goes out the window. Death seems all too welcome, as I am overcome with mental, physical and emotional exhaustion in regard to all that I have to deal with. I wonder why I am here when I can't seem to do much more than barely survive. People tell me to "fight." What am I fighting for, exactly? I often feel so invisible. Was on the train tonight, silently sobbing. People either didn't notice, or didn't want to. I considered asking the people for money. I have recently considered going on the streets with a sign. I am getting close to being that desperate that I would beg for money that way. I cannot tell you how sad that makes me.