Think. About What Can Happen.

Thinking can be such a dirty word sometimes. It can often be what gets us into trouble. At the same time, it can be an ally, if properly "applied."

I have been thinking about this as I just watched a video with kids talking about gay marriage. I was thinking that I would believe that most of those kids were thinking for themselves when responding. And I was about to applaud that. But then, it occurred to me that they may have been talking in a way they were taught to, just like it is possible the one little boy was doing the same when he said things, but did not know why he was saying them when asked.



As children we are in a state that is very much like a hypnotic state, we have no way to really filter out things. We get "fed" suggestions daily through our parents, caregivers, teachers, society, and it is all too easy in some cases to come to the conclusion that we are who we are because it is the way we are. In some cases, that may very much be the case, but in others it may just be that we were told who we were, and it has become so much a part of us that we claim it as our own.

I had a dream the other night that the world was coming to an end. The sun rushed from the sky, and crashed somewhere in the distance. I did not know where, but I knew it would eventually affect where I was. I could not believe it crashed, and I was still there. Then I saw people lining up to go in a direction. So many were in line, and I thought to myself that we were in trouble, and it was not unlike what happened with the Jews in Germany in World War II. People were blindly following others.

I was going off in the other direction.

I have often questioned things, much to the chagrin of those around me. At the same time, I do have my blind spots. We all do. It is easy to get caught up in what another believes and thinks - especially when we are needing answers. Especially when we are feeling scared or lost. It is all too easy to take another's lead, if we aren't following our own. And if we are following our own, and it doesn't seem to be taking us ye Lands of Comfort and Success, often described by others in a certain way, we may question if we are doing things right.

It all makes some sort of sense that we do things the way we do, otherwise we wouldn't do it. At the same time, I have been seeing how important it is to listen to the inner voice that speaks. It never goes away. It may get silenced. It may be really soft. It may be drowned out by other people and other things. But it is always there.

My trip showed me how important it is to listen - in the form of action. I knew when I returned I would have to keep listening. I knew it might not be as easy as when I was on the road and dealing with things that in the grand scheme of things probably did not matter as much.

I have already seen how all of my listening on the trip has prepared me for now. It gave me the ability to say no to (what amounted to an unnecessary) (a) scan, despite what others thought I should do. It gave me the ability to calm down about the possible surgery or chemo.

I still have concerns, as the scan was not clear. It was "just" better than it was. However, it is better enough for me to relax a bit, and continue to move forward and listen. I am clear that listening is what saved my life. So many questioned me taking the trip I did, but I KNEW I had to go. I knew if I stayed, I was dead.

I wish I could say that I had everything worked out and that all my fears and concerns were wiped away, but not quite. But I had fears and concerns about the trip, but I went, and then I kept going. I feel like the trip made me stronger. I feel like this experience of life has that same potential. I just need to keep listening, and keep going.

My mind is in a whirlwind with so many thoughts and ideas. I will be sharing more about that soon, as I will need help to make things happen. I am hoping that there is something about this journey that speaks to others in a way that they see how it benefits them to be a part of it in some way. I have had a few of those who are close to me tell me how their interactions with my journey has in some way served and inspired them.

It touches me so deeply to know that. I have known this was not just about me for quite some time. I just never knew how much it was about others. I may never know, actually. But it thrills me to hear how others are affected, and spurred into action in some way in their own lives.

They're listening. I just happened to be the station they tuned in to. They could have just as easily tuned out, and moved on to someone or something else, but something I said or did resonate for them, and they listened.

It seems to me that a great part of being who we are best is the ability to listen to ourselves and the messages that resonate, and then - even more importantly - acting on them. So much of what I did when I listened is what gave me the juice. If I only went so far to try to appease the voice, but didn't go all the way, much of what happened would not have. Much of what I did made no real sense - in the way we've been taught sense looks like. But it made perfect sense in the bigger picture of what my life is, and has become.

If the me of May 2012 saw the me of now she would not recognize herself. I have come so far, and it wasn't by any plan or design. It was by me just being who I am.

When I used to have "real" job interviews, a question they loved to ask was, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I hated that question, but you got to make up something that sounds good, right? How does anyone know how to answer that question? Really? Life can change in a heartbeat. And when it does anything and everything can change. Just like that.

At the same time, if there is something that is important to you, and you know it is what you desire, step into it - uncertainty and all. As long as you know your heart is invested and you know in your soul you want it, and that you will give it all you can, that is all you need to take the leap. If it isn't going to work out, you'll know when you get there, and then, and only then, will you know what to do next because you will be standing farther in the road and will be able to see things you could not see before, earlier in your trip.

That is one of the biggest things I have learned. Take each step, and see what shows up. Then make choices. Trying to make choices ahead of time almost invariably wound up being a waste of time and energy because things almost always were different when I got there.

So...in short...

Think. Listen. Leap. Think Again when you land. Listen Again. Leap Again And Repeat Again. Or something like that. It might be Listen and then Think and then Leap. It may be Leap and then Listen and then Think. I don't really know which comes first. I just know that they are 3 very important elements in being able to give life a full you.

Have a great day, and consider that those things that don't work out the way you want them to are gifts in disguise. Who knows what can come out of a chance meeting or an unexpected detour? Be looking for it. There may be signs, but if you're too caught up in being upset about what didn't happen, you might just miss what could have.