Would you do this?

Total strangers are only people who haven't connected yet.

I saw this person's work previously, but since my trip I see it differently.

(I just wrote a blog entry that was almost finished when my iPad battery died. Nothing was saved. So here I go again. I wasn't happy. Grrr. But then I thought that maybe it meant I could do better. Maybe it just meant I screwed up. Who knows?  

We never know which way things "are.")

On my trip I connected with so many people in moments. I connected with them in a way that doesn't seem as possible through the internet. I had a deeper, more profound connection with some in 5 minutes in person than I have with those I have had many interactions with through the internet.

The internet is great for connecting people. There are some I have met that way that are very special to me. But the internet is also great for having people stay at a disconnected distance, or connect in a pseudo kind of way.

I have no idea how many people were really open to our conversation, but I suspect many were, as they continued to engage in the conversation with me. I said what I had to say, and then they told me their stories and perspectives. In some cases, they just shared of themselves and offered a hug (or two) and a prayer.

I was sure before I went on this trip that it was about something larger than me. I figured it had something to do with talking about the things no one talks about. However I have also often said that my message is about more than cancer. It is about LIVING LIFE.

I got to see how in person there is a gift we can give each other by the connection we can get one on one. There is something very special that happens when we take the time to truly interact. It is something that happens when the guard comes down. When we get to truly be ourselves without a judgment. When the biggest thing in the moment is the connection that is being shared.

I got to see how what I was doing, how I was doing it, and what I shared offered people something that was a gift to them. I did not always know how our conversations affected them, and I likely may never know. But there was someone who told me that she could not stop thinking about our conversation. I asked her if she was willing to share why - if she knew.

She is someone who has known of a few people dealing with cancer. One of the cases even involved a request to never talk about it. It seems that our conversation potentially had her thinking about things in a way that she hadn't been able to previously.

So often I awkwardly start a conversation with someone about ovarian cancer. It is not a usual topic of discussion - especially with a stranger. Many times it led to something more. But the thing is that so many times I did not want to do it. The awkwardness started to go away, but it was still there. People are guarded. I would guess many thought I was going to try to sell them something.

Within moments, though, I often could see people's wheels turning, their demeanor softening. I felt so loved by many that I connected with during our short conversations and connections.

We give each other an incredible gift when we allow another to just be themselves without any pretense. When we truly connect I suspect the idea of strangers and enemies can be dissolved. I think we need to put things in place that aren't naturally there to keep us separated from each other. I say this because it can dissolve instantly - when we allow it. If it wasn't so natural, would it be that easy?

It seems to be a protective mechanism. If you let someone in, then you risk being hurt. You risk being vulnerable. I suppose it could have its place as a survival tool. The thing is, though, I think we are making a survival tool into something that is more than that. It is something that we are doing so much of, it is becoming a way of life. But the thing is that the more we live that way, the more disconnected we become and the more likely we are to hurt another because we aren't connected to the part of them that is within us. We don't see them as an extension of who we are, but rather as a threat to who we are. Labels and boxes and judgments are good for putting others in their places, for keeping others separate. For keeping us apart. If we focus more on how we are different, we can stay safe because we will keep those types of things and people away from us. It will help to keep us safe. Right? And while we do it, other people do it, too. As a result, we keep fragmenting ourselves and our society. Is it no wonder things seem to be deteriorating?

The issues aren't the real issue. The real issue is that we stopped connecting. We got so caught up in the labels, the boxes, the judgments that we keep moving them around and forgot about the people behind them. We forgot what really matters. What really matters is VERY LITTLE and we seem to be too focused on other things that we have been told/taught matter, to focus on what would really be a help. I bet if we didn't have all the barriers we have in a myriad of forms we have them in, we would be better able to co-exist and not only that, but  "help" would either be less necessary, or not looked at as negatively and judgmentally as it can be now. The irony is that we all need help at some time or another, but we don't want to ask for it for fear of what another might think of us if we are shown to be anything but something superficially put together and perfect.

Yesterday I was watching a morning show that had a segment on a shop in Philadelphia. It was a men's shop, and it was talking about style and what's in/what's out. The owner was talking about how important it is for a man to pick his style, and stick with it, despite the changing fashions. I was thinking about how that fits us in another way. We could figure out who it is that we are, and stick with it, despite what others think we should be, due to the "fashions" of the times.

Other than that, I sat there in awe. So much of the show was about the superficial aspects of our life. I would love to see a show focus on the things that we REALLY connect with. We may think we connect to those types of things, but it isn't the kind of thing that makes our soul sing. It isn't the kind of thing that gives us that deep down sense of peace and satisfaction. It keeps us swimming on the surface of our lives.

I know many probably won't talk about cancer and cancer-related issues because it is a "downer." They probably figure people either can't relate, or won't want to. How about we figure out a way that really makes a difference for others so that we can talk about it? How about if we incorporate it into life? After all, it is already there. We are ignoring the big elephant in the room because we view it in a way that is sad, depressing, and in lots of other negative adjective terms. 

Many who live with the cancer label don't classify their lives in terms of cancer. That is often why they will go to great lengths not to talk about it - because others will define their lives by it. Others will make everything about cancer, when it is not. There is much more to a person's life than a cancer diagnosis, but it is all many will see.

Human beings live with their mortality. They don't die from it. In the same way, those diagnosed with cancer live with their diagnosis. They don't die from it. The whole point is that we LIVE while we are alive. The more we focus on cancer (a human being's mortality), the more we focus on dying, and the less we are able to focus on life and actually living.

Life can show us some very wonderful things. The question is are we listening? Are we paying attention? Are we willing to go where we are "supposed" to? The "known" of our lives has become a distancing from one another, and as a result truly connecting can be intimidating and scary and uncomfortable. But if we are willing to listen, it can bring a deeply rewarding feeling for a lot longer than we'll be uncomfortable. And it will feed our soul instead of subtracting from it.

One thing I learned very clearly on my trip was a need to LISTEN to my inner voice. We have been trained to do what often amounts to the opposite. Perhaps try an experiment. Talk to strangers. Offer a hug. Offer a friendly smile. Connect with people offline. Do something differently than you have been doing it. I practically guarantee you it will probably "hurt" the first few - hundred - times. But my guess is that you will also find amazing people who have a lot of wonderful things to say and talk about, if you are truly yourself and truly engaged and give them the space to be real with you.

I bet you will walk away with a smile on your face more often than not. 

I also suggest that in the process you don't necessarily go up to just anyone. You ask yourself the question, "who should I talk to?" and then you listen, no matter what your head says. Alternatively, you could just see if there is an inner nudging that you might ordinarily ignore. Pay attention to it, and see what happens.

If you do this, I would love to hear about it. If you feel you want to do it, but not sure how to go about it, talk to me. I will see what I can do to help you work it out. I may seem to do it easily, but it hasn't always been as easy as it SEEMS.

I have another thought, too. I used my ovarian cancer symptom card as a conversation starter. Perhaps consider making your own information card on something near and dear to you and use that to introduce yourself to another and start a conversation. Depending on where you go, you can get up to 1000 cards for around $30. 

I love that idea actually. We are so used to people trying to sell us things. What if we stopped doing that, and started just sharing with one another genuinely, and not sharing under the guise of trying to sell something. My idea is more about something deeper than a marketing piece for a product.

Hmm. If you come up with an idea, I'd love to hear about it!

Wow. It is almost noon. This day is flying by. This entry also is a lot different than the last one that disappeared. I guess I was meant to create anew. I say that as I knowingly smile. So many times this has happened lately, and I have seen the wonderful things that have come as a result of not being attached to one thing. Going with the flow of life makes life so much less painful. It can also make it a lot more fun when you look at it as an adventure. What fun is coming up next? Who will I next meet and connect with? What opportunity is around an unexpected turn I have to make?

Funny how exciting it can be to consider when you can shift your mindset from one of disappointment for what didn't happen to one of anticipation for what could.