Thanksgiving Thoughts

The picture is of some of the things I have been working on. I feel a bit funny posting about them today, when it's a holiday, and there is way too much commercialism as a part of the day that I am not a fan of.  However, I have been struggling a good part of the day to figure out how to write some of the things I have been thinking about, and I may be on the verge of figuring out what it is I want to say.

I just read something that suggested that we should treat every day like a holiday. I don't know about that, exactly, but in the sense that we seem to be more mindful, caring, and compassionate of others on those days, THAT I could definitely vote for on a more regular basis.

Outside of the holidays those who are struggling continue to struggle, but with no holiday to call the attention of others to help out. Fortunate is the person during the course of the year who gets the help they need without a person feeling compelled to in some way because it is a holiday.

I think I am more mindful of those who are struggling these days because of my struggle. There are way too many who don't know where they're going to live, how they're going to eat, how they're going to do the most basic things in life that those with a steady income take for granted.

Many people are judged in all kinds of ways, when in fact, it takes a lot of energy to "just" make it. I am fairly certain that those who are struggling wish they could find a way to make a living, to make some money. Getting people to help financially is not as easy as one might think, and sadly, it seems some of the people who are the best at getting it are the ones who least need it, which makes people more skeptical of helping.

Having said that, I think that is how I can tie in my posting of my switch plates. My situation does not take a holiday. It does not take a break. At least not one that the calendar says. Every day I am the same person who is struggling in some ways to not only survive, but actually be productive in this world and to contribute to it in some beneficial way. And it just so happened that I created the image today, so I am sharing it today.

The way I was making a living before was as a hypnotist and coach and it is not working now for several reasons, although I could still function as those things, if I had clients. Recently I was inspired to paint, so that is what I have been doing a lot of. I am thankful for the inspiration, and the ability to do the work I have been doing, and regardless of what happens next, it has been awesome and exciting. 

But, I have also been spending money to make this happen. I have been expending a lot of effort that I don't always have. I am giving everything I got, in the hope that I have something that finally clicks in a way that I can begin to see an income of some sort. I have never wanted to ask others for money, or get any kind of government support, but have had no choice but to reach out. And there is nothing worse than reaching out, and being met with deafening silence of the majority of people who are aware of my situation.

For a long time I have been aware of "my" creativity. But as I grew up, it was not something that was easily in the picture. Creativity as a way to make a living is not only not encouraged, but often is discouraged. It is kind of ironic to me that the thing I am grasping onto right now is the very thing many would say does not work, and is not viable.

But I really do not have a choice.

I have spent a good part of my time the past few days seeing what I can do to create prints from my work. I have been trying to figure out pricing, and have been changing things as I go along. In my heart I really want to help others who are struggling, too. Someone told me I should focus on me. Part of my idea to help others helps me in a way, too, as it feeds my heart. I have to believe that in helping others I am somehow going to be helping myself in the process.

I haven't come to any conclusions yet. It really is a struggle. If I could, I would give everything away. I really have a hard time with the more commercial aspects of life. However, I am leaning toward giving a percentage of the sales to the Cancer Support Foundation and Cindy Carter, who does tremendous work with those dealing with cancer related issues who have no one else and no where else to turn to to survive.

By buying my work, you will not only be able to help me in a way that is tangible for me, you will be getting something I hope you will love in the process. In addition, you will be helping others as well, through the donations to Cindy's organization. This will not be a one time thing if I figure out how to implement it. It will be an every day thing. It will be a constant, consistent choice on my part to try to do what I can for others.

Some may wonder why I would do this. One of the reasons is because it scares me when I hear some of the worst stories. I could be one of them. I am very much on the edge in my life right now, and there isn't much that is keeping me from falling off the edge.

However, I am extraordinarily grateful for the fact that I have been able to stay on this side of things, and that I at least have a place to stay. If you don't know where you are going to live, you can't exactly do the kinds of things I have been doing. When all you are doing is trying to survive, there isn't much else you can do.

I am going to suggest that if you are reading this you consider looking at the holidays not so much as a special occasion, but more of a reminder of how you could be every day, the rest of the year. Imagine how amazing life could be if we just gave a gift spontaneously because we wanted to. How amazing a family dinner would be, just because you wanted to have one. Imagine what it would be like to help those along the way who needed it, when they needed it. As wonderful as anything you are doing now is, and as welcome as it is, there are likely times those who are helped now are in greater need, and no one is paying attention.

I struggled with writing this in part because everyone wants the holidays to always be so positive, so UP, so happy. As I write this, I realize how people treat the holidays is the same way they treat those things they find uncomfortable. They ignore all the stuff that gives them discomfort, and practically demand that the focus is only on the good and the things that one should be grateful for. They'll say "Be Positive." How the reality of the moment is perceived often is not the true reality.

So many times I will suggest that people just be themselves in the moment. I think it is really hard to do that when society, friends, family are telling you how you are supposed to be. I wonder what the "real" version of who we are as people is. Who are we divorced from the expectations and pressures?

I feel like there is a much bigger picture here, and a larger conversation to be had. I am still not sure I said what I needed to, as I am not quite sure what it was. I am struggling to find the words, knowing that as with many things I talk about, people aren't going to be very comfortable with what they're reading. I imagine some may have tuned out by now, or at the very least are thinking about how much they love about the holidays, and what they need to do, and...anything to stay away from the discomfort of something that isn't expected for a day like today.

I know what is "expected." Funny thing is, though, that in dealing with my diagnosis, and the fine line I walk between life and death, I realize that time is wasted when speaking what others want to hear and expect to hear. I have no time for that and, quite frankly, neither should you.

I am grateful to still be here to see another day, to be able to enjoy the blustery weather. To enjoy my favorite season. I am grateful for the opportunity to be creative and create, and to have lived long enough to have made creations I didn't even know were possible a few short weeks ago. I am also grateful to you and for you. The fact that you are here and reading my words means something. Maybe neither one of us knows what that is, but it does mean something.

I had wondered if anything meant anything prior to my trip. Someone told me that everything meant something. In my down and desperate state, I wasn't sure I agreed. I have seen too much in the last few weeks to think otherwise at this point. Everything means something. We just don't have a clue what it is most of the time.

Thank you for being a part of my life's experiences. And if in any way I speak to you or your heart or mind in a way that encourages you to step back and reconsider life and the things you do, you could thank me by allowing yourself to follow the path that calls you.  You might just be amazed.

And if you do that...I would love to hear about what happened.

I was about to suggest that you come back here in a year and let me know, but then realized that there is no reason to wait. There is no time like the moment you come to a realization. There is no moment like the present to share. In addition, we are not promised another single moment here than the one we currently have. So use it up. Share it. Share your love. Live for now. Give life to the words in your heart. They will never be the same coming from someone else, and they could be lost forever while you wait for the right time or circumstance to say them.

The best part of the holidays doesn't just live one day on the calendar. It lives in the life we give each moment, and to each other any day of the year.

Much joy and love and peace to you.