And what if...?

"...cancer is associated with grief and depression," Love, Medicine and Miracles, Bernie Segal

It does not surprise me. I believe I was told depression is suppressed anger, too. So there is a anger component in the mix. 

Perhaps it is no wonder I feel compelled to expel things these days. It is like I can't get the stuff out of me quickly enough. 

And stuff keeps surfacing over and over and over. Bubbling to the surface, and hopefully getting the hell out of me.

The book talks a lot about cause and effect. While I have steered away from much of that conversation, I think there is no denying there sometimes seems to be a coincidence between what is thought/said/experienced and what happens physically. Sometimes it could not be more obvious. Times like that only seem to reinforce the idea that it is at all, it must be in every case.

But then there are things no where near as clear, and wind up being a fault-finding mission. And where there is fault, there is cause and therefore blame. The attention shifts from something potentially being of some help to a focus on who or what created it in the first place.

This is one of those things I have questioned for quite some time. Is a germ ever "just" a germ? Why is it that there are things that happen with people that seem to have no direct relationship to something medically known. Why is it that some people get sick, while others do not? Why is it that some people die, and others recover?

I am sure there are people and beliefs that explain why this is with a great deal of certainty. But with that "certainty" are things that go against the paradigm. There are things that don't fit, that don't make any sense. We seem desperate at times to have things fit. If we know how things fit together, we know how to work with them, or disable them. We have a sense of control. But that control is a mere illusion, at least in any obvious, tangible sense within the reality we live.

Maybe there is something behind what is "known" that does affect us, but what if it only sets us up? What if things done are done with a purpose that we aren't consciously aware of? What if the things we say we want come more from a place of conditioning than from our own inner world and knowing, and what if we are disappointed by what another thinks should be, instead of by what we truly want? What if what we say we want isn't what we want, or think is truly best, at all? What is the "disappointment" is really a blessing of some sort?

We have come to a world full of expectations. Whose? We may think they are our own, but maybe what others think, believe and feel create those expectations, and they wind up really owning us?

I don't know. I am just asking. It seems to me that this could be a good question to be asking ourselves. How much of our life have we chosen, and how much has unconsciously been chosen for us?

And what if things like illness are a way of helping us find our own path and truest selves?