Several years ago I had had a thought that I could possibly help those who were dealing with cancer. I wasn't sure how to find those people or opportunities, and as a result, I never did.
It is interesting how things go sometimes. I suspect that there is little chance that I could have been as helpful as I might have thought. So many people who have no clue what it is like to have an experience of cancer think they can help me. They're well-intentioned, but they just don't have a clue.
As I write, it seems a bit ironic to me. After all, I am always saying that what I talk about is so much more than cancer. So why wouldn't they be able to help? If I was going to try to explain it, the best I could say is that while maybe they could help in regard to the non-cancer aspects, the lack of understanding of the cancer ones and the effect of the cancer tint on the bigger picture can at times be more aggravating and harmful than good.
It may be difficult to understand when you're not dealing with it yourself, but it can be a great challenge to have to constantly be fielding things from people that are meant to be helpful. It is not a lack of gratitude that has me say these things, but more an attempt to be protective of myself and minimal amount of energy resources. Even the smallest of things can be huge in a time like this.
I have been told when I talk like this no one knows what to say or do. I am sorry for that. What I would suggest is that you perhaps take some time to read my blog and explore the things I have said and done before recommending anything to me. In over 1000+ entries and over 225 videos I have shared a lot.
Do I expect you to look at everything? Hardly. But it could be a place to start, and one blog entry or even a few won't likely tell you much. If you want to help, though, getting a better understanding of what I am facing could potentially be helpful in ways that are not expected.
In addition, you can say whatever you like. You can ask whatever you like. But I just ask that if I don't respond at all, or respond in a certain, expected way that you do not take it personally. Having an illness like cancer can be like a full time job without pay or benefits. On top of that, try doing a full time job on part time energy. It doesn't work very well.
At some point I should probably try to sum things up so people who want to be helpful know in some sort of summary form what I have tried, and where I have been. I suspect I have already done that somewhere, somehow. But maybe not. It really does get tiring repeating myself, though.
Do you realize how many people who want to help go on Google to search out help for me, and then send me the same unhelpful links many have before them? I do my best to be polite, say thank you, and let them know that I have already seen them, and that they are of no help at all. I either am the wrong age, wrong sex, dealing with the wrong cancer, live in the wrong place, or the organizations don't really help the individuals affected by cancer. They pretty much just sound good.
I suppose I don't need to do all that, but I figure they may be expecting me to get back to them and tell them how wonderful, and helpful, those resources were. Since I am seeking help, I never want there to be an impression that I haven't sought out any available options.
Last thought...
Odds are if you never dealt with cancer, whatever you think about it couldn't be more wrong.
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