Thursday, April 30, 2015

A Suitcase with No Front Teeth

My mind is swirling. It is the best day in about a week, and things are so clear that I can see how bad all of my messes are. I am aware of them other times, but they are often obscured by the haze in my mind. I have to think that is a good thing, especially when there isn't much I can do about them. But then days like this happen, and it is frustrating. I feel like I "should" take care of those things. But the problem is that if I don't write about the things on my mind first, they will gnaw at me, and it will drive me crazy.

I am constantly having to make choices about how I utilize the energy I have. Some do not get just how I am, and my life is, affected by it. If I choose one thing over another it is because I must not.want to deal with the other thing. While on some level there may be some logic in that statement that makes sense, it is not always the case.

What people do not realize is that the energy available has shrunken. Most work from a framework of 100% and transpose it over me, because it is all they know.

Let's say you have a suitcase, and it has certain dimensions. For the sake of simplicity, let's say it is 24x24x24. Some people are good packers, and can really max out the space, and some really suck at packing, and can only get a few things in that same space. And, of course, there is an array of possibilities in between. Results may vary, but they are all working with the 24x24x24 space. And because that somehow seems to be a given, there are those who think they know what they are doing who will offer to help those who aren't as effective as packers. They may even call themselves experts because they know the parameters, and feel adept at working within them. Anyone with a suitcase can be a client. All suitcases look alike because they all serve the same purpose. 

But. Here's the thing. Some suitcases aren't those dimensions. Some suitcases are actually smaller. It may be a little, or it may be a lot, but because it is an "energy" suitcase, it is perceived to be able to be able to hold a certain capacity. So the expert comes along and tells the person who can't get all the stuff in it that since the expert can do it, they know it is possible to do. They have helped others do it. It CAN be done.

The thing is, though, they missed an important fact: the suitcase just can't hold any more - no matter what they do.

When I was a kid, I wanted to learn how to blow bubbles with gum.  Someone was trying to teach me when another someone pointed out that I did not have front teeth. An obvious thing was missed on the way to setting out for a goal. In pursuit of what was desired, the current reality/situation was missed. Blowing bubbles, for me, at the time was not possible, no matter how much anyone wanted it to happen. It just wasn't possible in the existing context.

The same thing goes with the suitcases. Some suitcases (contexts) just do not fit a desired goal, and it just doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, or how you do it. It just ain't gonna happen. And, yet, we torture ourselves and others over what we think SHOULD be possible. We tell ourselves or others we are being lazy, we couldn't possibly want it, we could do better...any number of things to try to explain why something isn't happening. The problem, though, is that at times like that every reason is given but the one it really is: the suitcase is too small, and it has no front teeth. :p

All too often people see my suitcase and make presumptions about it, and me, by extension - based on what they know of Suitcaseology. But what can also happen is there will be those whose suitcases have also shrunken who are better able to see when another's case isn't a "standard" size. Interestingly, there will sometimes be a subset of Suitcaseology experts that are familiar with the smaller size who now think they know how others with their smaller suitcase should be.

We human beings continually fascinate. We seem to need to make determinations to give us the perception of permanency, relevancy, controllability. In fact, we really don't have much of those things, if any of it at all. But in this process, we have the potential to make ourselves, and each other, miserable.

There is almost nothing worse than a Battle of the Shoulds. 

The reality I face these days is not one I want, but it is one I often find myself having to defend. I wish I could just change my mindset. I wish I could just change my attitude. I wish I could do a lot of things. But my reality says I have no front teeth. Because I have to work within this reality, it really sucks when people come along trying to tell me how to pack my bag that isn't big enough to hold everything. It is really hard to have to explain things to them, and it is really hard not explaining them. Either way it is taking energy that I may not really have.

Many times dealing with these kinds of things, instead of really dealing with things, becomes my reality. Imagine all the things you take for granted, and stepping back from them, and having to deal with the step that comes before. It would likely really suck. Often conversations like this are somewhat equivalent, which makes each step that much more of an energy hog.

There is more I want to write about this, but I think I will leave this post at this point. I have had some fun with my suitcase with no front teeth, but hopefully it has made a bit o'sense to you as I mixed my metaphors, and perhaps you will reconsider how you approach others and their suitcases.

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