Monday, April 14, 2014

A Couple of Things to Keep in Mind

There are many times people show up with info for me about things I could or should do. Sometimes it is regarding a product, or someone who could potentially be helpful to me. I am grateful that people are thinking about me. 

However, here are some things that may not be evident:

1. It is not that I do not have ideas of things I want to do. It is not that there aren't practioners I would like to work with, supplements I would try. I do not have the funds. I am barely surviving financially right now. I can't do anything extra. I stopped Mistletoe treatments several months back because I was too stressed about the cost. I even had one particularly annoying, frustrating conversation with someone from a company with several products suggested to me by a homopathic doctor, also costing me money I did not have. I was explaining my dilemma. She, in turn, asked if I would use the products for free. It was a set-up to get me to sell their products to others. I certainly wouldn't mind telling others about it, but in terms of selling it, there were just so many reasons that was not going to work. Instead of hearing me, she kept trying to sell me.

2. It is not that I do not have ideas of things that I can do. I know a lot more about a lot more than most people realize. The problem I have is more one of energy and ability to do. There is just one me who struggles to do the things she does do. I can't seem to sleep at night. I wind up staying up to all hours of the morning, and do not even begin most days until after noon. My head doesn't work the way it used to, and the things I do often challenge me in a way that takes more of my limited energy than it would if I was functioning as I used to. I recently ended my radio show on W4CY because I could not only not afford it, I couldn't expend the kind of energy needed to get sponsors and guests the way I would have liked. So many things appear so simple. Even the things that are seemingly simple take more from us than we might realize - until we have little to nothing to give.

I have, on occasion, been able to make a trade for assistance. There are times people have been generous with me and their time and energies. It may seem I have the ability to do a lot more than I do because of that.

If you have an idea for me, feel free to share it. Maybe I won't have heard of it. At the same time, odds are good I probably have, and just can't afford to do it. At this point, if it didn't feel like a bad thing to do, I would probably try almost anything. I suspect many dealing with cancer might think the same way. The problem is that health insurance only pays for the mainstream stuff. There are times I wish I could take the money I use to pay my premium and use it on something else.

I am on the edge of my seat regarding Disability. I have been told I may hear nothing until the end of this month. When I do hear, it does not mean it will go through. Best case scenario I could receive 2 years of back payments, and on-going support. Worst case, I am denied, and need to continue to swim the legal channels to make something happen. In the middle, I could receive about a year's worth of payments, and on-going support.

I am, of course, hoping for the best possible outcome, as it will allow me to at least stop begging for help. It will also allow me to do more alternative things for myself. It won't solve my problem in totality, but it will give me room to breathe for a while. It will also help me switch out of Survival Mode and I will be better able to use that energy some other way.

I try not to, but there are sometimes I worry that being in Survival Mode is less than conducive for my survival.

If you want to help, and have any ideas, please keep the above in mind when contacting me. Sharing this blog is another way. You can also see other things here http://anewme515.blogspot.com/2014/03/about-mehow-you-can-help.html 

Thank you.

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