Sunday, April 6, 2014

I Won't Play the Game

I want to thank those who stand with me, and those who believe in me and my story - even though we do not really know each other. It is a sad world in which scammers receive more "help" than those who are legit. I realize it makes sense to be skeptical. I also know it makes sense to sometimes do the things that do not make any sense.

I ask for help in so many ways, my least desired is to just ask for financial help. I so prefer an exchange - that you get something, too. Some people are so amazing, they tell me to just allow myself to receive. I am grateful for those opportunities, but would be willing to do something if I could - in a heartbeat.

I do things to try to pay things forward, and often offer MP3s to those who may benefit from them. My trip, while it may have seemed like a "vacation" was anything but. It was about more than just me, despite what the appearance of a first glance would look like. It was about talking about the things people do not talk about. Several people told me how much they got out of my experience for themselves.

My life is about other people. My heart desires to make a difference in any way I can. I can't be all things to all people, but when I truly connect with another, there is nothing more magical or beautiful. When you help me, you are really helping me stand strong enough so I can also help others stand strong and find their own inner voice and wisdom. It is through what others share that we find pieces of ourselves.

Thank you to those of you who see value in sharing about me, and in the value of $1. You may think $1 means nothing, and can't solve any problems, but they can add up.

What do I need money for? Basics. Food. Gas. Car maintenance. The dentist. Credit card bills. Life insurance. Health insurance. Alternative treatment options, not covered by insurance. My life is down to the basics, and I am running out of funds, hoping to hear about Disability soon. I am also possibly going to have a surgery that could be 10 hours plus, that is high risk.

I need help, despite the fact that I wish I never had to ask. It sucks more than most anyone realizes. It sucks to be looked at with a skeptical, critical eye. It sucks to have people be one way to my face, but another way behind my back.

I know what people think. It is why I say the things I do. It is why I do the things I do. But the one thing I won't do is do anything that does not feel right to me. I will not be how you think a person dealing with cancer should be to deserve your help. There are many people dealing with cancer who do not look sick, and will do anything they can, to be as normal as they can be. Odds are if it was you, you would be, too. Scammers will play on your falsely held beliefs of what you think things should be, while those truly in need who will do everything they can to help themselves, and who do not play into the stereotypical perceptions are left without support.

If you have not stood where I am, consider that who and what you judge me to be has nothing to with the reality of who I am, or my situation. There are way too many misconceptions about me and what I am going through. If you don't want to help me - or anyone else who says they need help - let it at least be for a reason based in an actual reality, and not one that you have made up.

How do you know it's made up? Odds are you have spent little to no time trying to find out anything about the person, or their situation. You hear something, and wind up going to a judgmental or negative place without asking any questions, or clarification to support or dispute your assessments.

I hope you never are in a position like I am in, but if you ever are, I hope you never have to deal with the types of things I have; however, unless things change, odds are good you will.

 It is way too late to be up. Sweet dreams when you get there.

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