I wonder...

I wonder...

how many of the reportedly 44 million people
of the US without health insurance are against
the health care plan.

and how many of those who are uninsured
and are against it are in need of a plan.

and how many of those who do have health
care insurance are against the health care plan.

and how many of those who do have insurance,
but it was lost due to unforeseeable circumstances
would change their mind.

I wonder because, while I have health insurance
at the moment, it is costing me $560 per month,
and it is likely to go up to over $700 next year.

I really can't afford it, but I can't afford to be
without it.  I don't yet know what I think of
The Plan, as there aren't enough details.  What
I hear is uncomfortable to hear.  I don't want
to see our country go down the tubes fiscally,
but I also believe that we can go down the
tubes in other ways, if we don't take care of
each other.

Some may think that what I am saying is
Socialistic.  If that is a political term for
doing right by those who share the planet
with us, then I suppose it is.

But if it is treated as a political term with
political baggage, it will get in the way of
something that should be basic to our
way of life and survival here.

It is easy to judge something more harshly
or in a more limited way when it is something
that isn't needed or is easily gotten in our own
personal experience.  But the minute that
the experience of life changes, so too might
the perspective.

I suspect it is really easy for many talk about
minimizing or ignoring things that don't have
a direct effect on them.

It isn't just about healthcare, and it isn't really
about healthcare.  Like much of life there are
symptoms that get treated without addressing
the core issue.

What is the core issue?  I am not sure I know.

But I suspect in the name of progress our
attention has gone to what life can give us
instead of what we can bring to life.  I suspect
it is more about what we can have and collect
rather than what we can share and direct.  I
suspect for many it is more about the world
outside of us than the one within.

This is not a judgment,
but rather an observation.

If one has a limited experience and exposure to
the world, it is difficult (if not impossible) to
be able to interact with something outside of
what is "known."  Think of those who once
thought the world was flat.

However, even with a limited world knowledge,
it is possible to break out.  To continue with
the analogy, break out just like Columbus did.

He was willing to take a chance that the
prevailing knowledge was wrong.  He was
willing to step out of the comfort zone. He
was willing to question what others believed.

In order for our world to shift, we have to
stop accepting the prevailing knowledge as
right without questioning it.  We have to be
willing to step out of our comfort zone.  We
have to look at our own world and its existence
and make changes before we can effect change
in the outside one.

Columbus' personal world changed first.
Then the rest of the world followed suit.

I know this is so much more
easily said than done.

As I write this

I wonder
what it all means for me.

I wonder
what I have
accepted without question.

I wonder what
changes I can make.

I wonder who
I am meant to be.

I wonder how
this time post diagnosis
will leave its mark on me,
and what changes I will make.

I wonder how I, in turn, 
will leave 
my mark on the world.

Not easy questions to ask
because the answers aren't
always clearly (and often
rarely?) marked.

Wanting to have everything
figured out often limits us
from figuring things out as
we may settle for an answer
long before there truly is one.

I suspect the minute we stop
asking questions is the minute
we stop expanding and growing,
and it is also the minute we
might just be in big trouble.

At least if we ask the question
if we can fall off the earth, we
can be prepared for its possibility.
If we don't ask the question, and
explore what is possible, we are
limited to the box we have put
ourselves in.

I don't know about you, but it
seems my box has stopped working
for me.

It is definitely time to explore.

Have I got this handled?

Hardly.

But I will keep asking questions,
and hope that I don't fall off a
cliff.  But if I do, hopefully I
will find a way to appreciate
the scenery on the way down
and/or find something unexpected
and wonderful when I land.

Love when the optimist in me
shows up.