Meaning of Life

When faced with something that could
end my life, I can't help but think about
what life means.

When I went looking on the internet,
I found a rather lengthy page devoted
to the subject on Wikipedia.  Much of
what was there was tied to religious
beliefs, although it wasn't everything.

I started to think about the word
"meaning."  What means something
to one person doesn't necessarily have
any meaning to another.

Since we have the commonality of
being human, one might think that
there would be certain things about
life that do mean the same thing,
perhaps even that whether there is
an exact meaning to life to life (or
not) life itself means something.

The problem with that is there are
people who have unfortunately
murdered others.  If one murders
another it would seem doubtful to
me that there is any meaning that
life as a whole offers them.

So since inherent in meaning is the
possibility (and likelihood?) of
variances from person to person,
can there be ONE meaning to what
life is?

When I looked up the word, another
word suggested was "significance."
I found myself questioning what is
significant about life: what is
significant about MY life.

I realized that if I attribute the
meaning and significance of my
life to something outside of myself,
that thing could change or disappear.

As I write that, I think about businesses
and products over the years.  At one
time they had meaning and significance,
and once the meaning and significance
changed (which many times they
probably felt invincible...which also
makes me think of empires and nations
for that matter) the product/service
disappeared, and ultimately the company
if it was only hinged on one thing/one
type of thing.

If the meaning of life is something
outside of myself, it would seem that
it has the potential of being a moving
target.

If I have no meaning, then there is no
reason for me to be here, is there? Or
is there?  Some people believe that
there is no meaning to life, and others
believe that we aren't meant to understand
the meaning, and yet others would swear
a multitude of other possibilities.  All
the while, there is a large world
population that is growing by leaps
and bounds every day.

As much as I wish there was an exact
science to things, I wonder if there is.
There might be, the equation of which
is yet to be known.

I find that many points that I ponder
seem to head in the same general
direction:  what do *I* think, what
do *I* believe.

There are many people who are more
than happy to tell me what they think
and believe.  Some will even sell it
to me (lucky me!).  So many "secrets"
are being sold today.  Have you
noticed?

Over the years I have found that so
many times what works for another
doesn't necessarily work for me.  In
those cases, it would seem that there
was something wrong with me, or I
didn't do it right, because it is
"guaranteed" to work if I only do
what they tell me to do.

I have a sneaking suspicion there
might be others like me who did
what they were told, and did not
net the same results as those they
were told it by.

Was something "wrong?"

I am not sure there was or is.  I
am tempted to think that there are
things that we don't yet understand
about life or ourselves that can
sometimes alter our experience of
an event.  Those times we may
learn something about ourselves
and what is important to us.  Other
times we may be left holding the
bag, going "WTF?"

Even a perspective about lessons
lived and learned is a way of
assigning meaning where there
may not be any.  Is meaning a
necessary or important part of life?
Is it the engine of life itself?

It certainly would seem so as
much as we tend to do it in our
day to day lives.  He didn't tell
me he loved me, must mean he
doesn't!  She didn't call me back;
she must be angry at me.  He
cut me off on the road, must
mean he is a jerk. And on and
on and on and...

Interestingly enough, I chose
"negative" examples of meaning.
There could be "positive" ones,
too.  However, any meaning
assigned always has the risk of
being incorrect by another's
interpretation.

Does another's interpretation
matter?  Guess it depends on
what that means for you as
an outcome.  There is pesky
meaning once again.  :P

I feel myself in a void at the
moment.  I am at a crossroad
that I feel is very important
to what happens next.

All of this conversation ultimately
is me working through my
definition of a life that has meaning
to me in some way and is worth
sticking around for.

I suspect it was the same for me
in January and last year, and five
years ago, and for my whole life.
It just became a lot more urgent
for me to understand and claim
now.

I can't help but wonder that if I
don't figure it out if my time here
could be done.  I know that is
something that sounds dramatic,
and I almost don't want to say it.

The problem is that it is what I
have wondered and thought, and
for that reason it would be in some
way dishonest not to include it
in this writing.

There is a lot I don't understand.
Question in my mind is if I ever
will...or if I need to just focus on
those things that I DO understand.

That doesn't sound like a bad idea,
actually.

Hmmm...so what's next?