Recently someone was telling me about her husband's experience of me. It definitely gets filed away in the mental notes about how we don't always know the impact we make upon another.
The man was the husband of a woman who knew about my cancer situation. When I was speaking with him, I didn't know if she had told him anything.
It is kind of odd talking about cancer all the time, but the thing is that I don't really think about it. I have come to talk about it in the same way I would talk about any other part of my life. If it "fits" or makes sense to talk about it, it comes up in the conversation.
It turned out she hadn't said much of anything, so I wound up explaining what was going on. I don't really remember the specifics (that is how unremarkable it was for me), but I did talk about many of the pieces and parts of my experience.
I thought nothing of it.
That is, until...
Quite frankly, I was too. It's not that I want to be walking around looking sad or upset, but I just hadn't realized that I was doing it. It made me wonder what exactly I was saying that I felt like smiling. But I don't have a clue.
I was quite astounded actually. There are many more times than I care to think about that I am doing anything other than smiling. There are times that I am upset, crying, and who knows what? I even said that to his wife. Her response? "Keep Smiling!"
I think I may have shook my head. I know she has the best of intentions, and thinks that it is a good thing. But I only think it's good when it "fits." If I am forcing a smile or a positive attitude, I am not sure it is a good thing. I think there are times it is in our best interest to experience whatever comes up for us. Sadly, for most, much of what can come up isn't as pretty as a smile or as pleasant to look at.
Apparently that day it was what was right/needed for both of us, and for that reason I think it was perfect.
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