The man was the husband of a woman who knew about my cancer situation. When I was speaking with him, I didn't know if she had told him anything.
It is kind of odd talking about cancer all the time, but the thing is that I don't really think about it. I have come to talk about it in the same way I would talk about any other part of my life. If it "fits" or makes sense to talk about it, it comes up in the conversation.
It turned out she hadn't said much of anything, so I wound up explaining what was going on. I don't really remember the specifics (that is how unremarkable it was for me), but I did talk about many of the pieces and parts of my experience.
I thought nothing of it.
That is, until...
Quite frankly, I was too. It's not that I want to be walking around looking sad or upset, but I just hadn't realized that I was doing it. It made me wonder what exactly I was saying that I felt like smiling. But I don't have a clue.
I was quite astounded actually. There are many more times than I care to think about that I am doing anything other than smiling. There are times that I am upset, crying, and who knows what? I even said that to his wife. Her response? "Keep Smiling!"
I think I may have shook my head. I know she has the best of intentions, and thinks that it is a good thing. But I only think it's good when it "fits." If I am forcing a smile or a positive attitude, I am not sure it is a good thing. I think there are times it is in our best interest to experience whatever comes up for us. Sadly, for most, much of what can come up isn't as pretty as a smile or as pleasant to look at.
Apparently that day it was what was right/needed for both of us, and for that reason I think it was perfect.
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Fake it til you make it isn't always sound advice. I say, choose to be happy. Of course, we can't always be. It's okay to be sad, wailing, and upset. Like you said, with it fits. I think of the times where I had huge struggles and huge pains. I would be distraught, but in those moments of clarity there was a true smile there, and I could see that I could choose to be happy in whatever circumstance I was in. Maybe not about that circumstance (who's happy to have huge problems?), but about other things in my life. Then I let that guide me. I think you've got it figured out. You let it fit and you're being true to yourself and your life. Long story short: you've got this!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI did the Ultimate Blog Challenge all through the month of July and will be on and off again through August and I am once again reminded today the heart and soul that goes into the blogs that I have encountered through this challenge. Thanks so much for sharing!