Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Can't Control (Video)

Since my diagnosis, so many times I have been told I am not alone. Many times it comes from those online. I find the above video interesting, as I have felt for quite some time that "we" are less connected than we ever have been. So many people would rather text than pick up the phone or speak in person. It seems to me to be the illusion of connection more than an actual one.

I don't often say it out loud. I don't think too many people would agree with me. But I have felt more alone than I think most people think I should - given the connection I have with those in my networks.

I am not sure what to "do" with it. I am not sure there is anything. It is just yet another thing that I am observing as I go through my life and this video certainly gives me an opportunity to have the "conversation."

One of the things the video says is that we prefer "connection" to "conversation" because we have no control of a conversation. We can't edit or modify. We can't put our best face on. We can't give the world the impression of us we want it to have. Many times I have thought about this fact, as I stumbled as to what to say texting, while in a "real" conversation it would have been a much different experience.

As I have gone through the last year I have noticed that I have cared less about how I appear. I have gone from making videos with lots of edits and care for how I look to having videos in which I have no hair, no makeup, and am sobbing.

There is something incredibly freeing in being able to just be. Does it mean I don't care how I look? Hardly. I still tend to put out pictures in which I like the way I look, rather than the ones I don't like as much. I have tried to occasionally put out a less than flattering one because somewhere in the midst of everything, I have come to value some sense of "reality." But even in embracing reality, I can still prefer to share myself in other ways when they are available to share.

We have an interesting dynamic going on, and I am not sure what to make of it. There are so few people that I know personally who think like I do or respond to things in the same way. I can't help but wonder if there are more, but they are just hidden behind their public veneer.

If you have the time, consider watching the video on The Innovation of Loneliness and see if it makes sense to you. If it does, I would be curious to know what you do next, or if it alters the way you see or do something. I understand it. I relate to it. But I am not really sure what to do with it - at least - not yet.

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