Bridging the Gap

An interesting thing that I have noticed the last few months is how various people talking on an array of topics are talking about getting people to talk. I have seen it in regard to cancer, mental illness, death, relationships.

I am sure there are many more.

How can I be so certain? It is because I realized something recently. It is something I haven't heard anyone say, but makes so much sense to me. See if it makes sense to you.

Our mind is guided/driven, by some estimates, by our unconscious 90% of the time. Our unconscious seeks the familiar. The familiar is our comfort zone. Things are deemed comfortable by the amount of familiarity we have with it. Even something that might seem to be uncomfortable, or not really is working for us - but is a regular part of our life, is striven to be maintained by the unconscious because it is known territory.

So when it comes to things that people haven't dealt much with, there is unconscious discomfort. There is a cycle that isn't helpful, either. When those, like me, who have no choice but to find a new comfort level with a once uncomfortable topic choose to talk about what is going on, they are going up against those who still have the discomfort due to unfamiliarity. Their reactions - often unhelpful - only have people wanting to be silent.

One of the ways to get a new comfort level is to expose yourself over and over to that thing that is unfamiliar, and drink the waters. When you do that, you spend less time and energy with what was at one time comfortable and familiar, and as a result, polarities change. Your comfort zone now becomes a "discomfort" zone, and your once discomfort zone now becomes your new comfort zone.

In the article about Death Cafes, someone said that since dealing with cancer, death doesn't seem so scary. That makes sense to me, and I agree. When cancer shows up, you wind up meeting the idea of death on a personal level that is unavoidable, and it becomes your constant companion. It is now familiar and not so scary any more.

I tell you these things because maybe it will help you to understand why you act as you do, or why those around you act as they do. It also might help those who are willing to talk to keep talking. I was determined to talk any way, but since I realized this, is makes me more determined than ever to speak up.

When we understand something consciously, we are better able to interact with it. Without the ability to understand, the tide of our unconscious takes us along for a ride - often on the path of least resistence. As much as this may be logical, and make sense, it isn't a cure all. So often we can understand something logically and nothing changes. But at least it is a start, and a play to grow from.

And when you are more comfortable with the idea of my newest friends cancer and death maybe you and I and they can spend some time together sometime. :p They seem to have a way of calling attention to themselves and likely will certainly keep you on the edge of your seat, and engaged. In some ways, they will be your biggest fans, encouraging you to get the most out of your time here, amongst those you love and among the things you care about.

As I write this, I am attempting to be playful. But I am wondering if I am full of it. I am wondering if I believe what I say. The fact is, I do. I just didn't realize how much these "friends" have done for me - til now. At the same time, there still are some unknowns, so I am not in a totally different place than I once was, but much of the scenery is different.

Here is to the beauty of a revised landscape.
Cheers.