I Haven't Mentioned...

anything about my teeth/the dentist.

But it is something that is becoming a greater concern.

Prior to chemo they tell you to go to the dentist. Chemo can oftentimes mess with your teeth. Going while you are on chemo can be a bit tricky, if something happens.

Well.

I never went. I couldn't afford to go. Being self employed, once again, I have issues regarding insurance. As in, I have none. And even if I had some, it still would not be the great. At one point I was checking into it, but once the cancer news hit, I wasn't sure how I could pay the bills I had to pay - much less an additional one.

I know I have some things that need to be addressed in a big way. I am a bit embarrassed by this. I am not sure why it is more embarrassing than anything else, but it is.

I haven't asked for financial help lately, but it is not because I don't need it. I do. It is just so damn difficult to keep asking over and over and over and then for people to see my need as no different than their own, or to see me as a scammer, or who knows what? But, obviously in many cases, nothing that prompts them to act.

Even people I know won't ask those who don't know me to help me. I can't say I blame them, I know it is awkward. At the same time, I have spent time and energy asking for help for strangers, so I know first hand it can be done. It also happens that one of my friends got on Facebook after my diagnosis and did just that. The first influx of donations I got were from a number of strangers acting on the request of someone they admired and respected doing the asking.

I have tried to ask for even $1. Sometimes I look at the numbers of people who are viewing my videos and pages and think how much better things could be if every person saw it in the heart to offer even just a $1. Even if I was a scammer, what is a $1?

I continue to see how others are helped in a big way. Not to say that they don't need it, or shouldn't get it, but are that many that tainted about someone struggling to survive their cancer ordeal that they won't help?

I have done everything I can think of to help my case. I have asked for people to vouch for me. I have attached my name and my business name. I have been forthcoming about personal and intimate details, I have invited people to talk to me - get to know me.

Next to nada.

It is just so damn difficult.

There are times I need a holiday from the begging.

It just so happens I am kinda OK at the moment, too. But that will change in a month or two if nothing else does. I am working so damn hard. I have so much to do. I am so freaking overwhelmed at the moment. Even though I say "overwhelmed," it doesn't even begin to describe the feeling I feel. I don't even know what does.

I feel like I want to cry. At the same time, I am oddly numb-ish.

I feel like I am in some Twilight Zone. I feel like I am in the middle of no where. It doesn't help that I am going to have to move. It doesn't help that I am tired as heck. It doesn't help that I am in pain and find it hard to physically move sometimes (and don't know why, not knowing what to "hope" for in terms of a reason). It doesn't help that I am burned out. It doesn't help that I have papers everywhere. It doesn't help that I have issues to deal with that are hanging over my head. It doesn't help that I am doing all that I can to move things forward, and financially things are dribbling.

Don't get me wrong. Thank goodness for the dribbles. I don't know how I could have gotten this far without them. But it doesn't help that I am all by myself dealing with this. There is no husband, boyfriend. No kids. No "great story" that pulls on your emotions.

Even if someone wanted to help, there are very few things that wouldn't have to involve me in some way, any way. While Christina built my site, I was very much involved in the process. If I hadn't been I wouldn't have been happy with things. And this is not to say Christina wouldn't have done a great job, because I am sure she would have. It is just that...

But I am getting off track.

If I ever was on one, that is.

Help.

Please.

I hate to beg. But that is what I am doing. I am begging you to please help me financially. If you are reading this, even $1 would help. REALLY. The ones add up. I see people getting money for the craziest of things. I am not asking for anything crazy. I am just asking for some help to do more than just barely survive. I am asking for some help so I don't feel like I have to drive myself so hard to do the things I am doing. So that I can get rest when my body says I really need it.

Chemo still affects me, even though my treatment is done. I have to try to do all I can to work, and a job would be physically out of the question at the moment - if I could even get one.

I have so much to offer. If you don't want to help financially, then you can help by sharing about me, my story, my need. You can help by asking for hypnosis, by buying a recording (Relatingtocancer.com/mp3s.html). You can help by going to Cedonaah and if you like any of the work giving me a donation. If you need images for work that you do, you can talk to me about purchasing them for your use. You can help by buying advertising with me on this blog, on my World of Perspective Blog, and/or live on my radio show or on my radio show site. I am working on ideas for that, and if the idea interests you, be in touch and I can tell you more. You can spread the word about my radio show and my various blogs. I am looking for major sponsors for the show, and I am looking for creative ways to make that happen.

If you are at a loss of what to do, but want to help, you could always just talk to me. By having a conversation, maybe something will come up that will help.

Believe me when I say I would rather not be doing this. But there is just no way to get around it. I need help. And the only way I am going to get some is to ask. It is how I have been able to receive what I have gotten so far.

Believe me when I also say it sucks, big time, to have survived treatment for cancer only to have to find a way to survive day-to-day. It is a bit like surviving a shipwreck, but winding up on an island in the middle of no where, with no one else there, hoping to survive and barely able to keep my eyes open and body moving in the midst of a storm.

It might be a slightly extreme parallel, but in some ways it isn't too far off.

What would you do, if it was you? How do you think you would feel?

If you can help financially, the best way is to use Paypal the address is Thankyou AT Jolope DOT com. (I spell it out to try to avoid spammers). The second best way is through my GoFundMe page (GoFundMe.com/rioj8).

Thank you.