Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Dreams and Some Reflection

I feel like I had a bit of a reprieve from life in the last week. Barely connected to the internet, sporadic phone service, no computer.  In some ways it was like a vacation from life.

I kinda liked it.

Now I have those things back, and I feel different. My body feels more anxious, tighter. When I couldn't do anything because of the external circumstances it was better than not doing anything because of the internal ones. When I have access to all of the things I mentioned, I feel like I should do more.

The "problem" is, I am still tired. I still physically can't come anywhere near close to doing anything that I "should" be doing. While I am now in the apartment, I still have a lot of work and moving yet to do. And organizing. And packing. And...


This sucks.

All I want to do right now is go back to bed. I was sleeping on the floor until last night. I thought it would be ok, but I wasn't sleeping well. I thought if I at least got the bed out, I would know if I wasn't sleeping well because I was on the floor, or if it was because of something else.

I think I slept better last night. But I was dreaming a lot. I dreamt that somehow I found my way back to the past. I want to say it was like the 40s. But I felt like it was a time when I was living...which in this lifetime is not possible. I dreamt I was in a place that was like Radio City Hall, but instead of it being used the way the Hall is used, it was bright as day and an "early" baseball stadium. I was trying to figure out where I was so I could some how validate where I was when I got "back." At some point I thought I was near where my aunt who recently passed away lived, and I thought it was a great opportunity to go see her. I never made it to her, though.  Someone escorted me from the "stadium" to show me the way out. It was long and winding to go where we got to.

I remember thinking, "Wow. Is it that easy to go to the past?" I couldn't believe that no one had figured it out before - especially if it was that easy. It was as simple as taking a trip to anywhere else. Although I am not sure if I knew exactly how I did get there. At some point I was wearing stockings and one leg tore with a big gash, and I had to either walk with a huge gaping hole or take them off. I remembered thinking how radical it would be to have bare legs in that time. I felt like I may have something to teach the past about the present. Would those there be interested? How would it be if past and present came together somehow?

I loved being "there." I really think it was the 40s. Maybe I did live then, who knows?

I have been dreaming a lot lately. I wish I could remember to record them more often. I almost forgot about these dreams, too, and if I didn't write about them now, I probably would have.

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