Stressing.

Today my friend went looking for apartments. The thinking is that he will move his cats out of the house to help expedite a sale. Things are complicated. Odds are that will be happening mid-July-ish. It will be short term. 3 months.

He was also very honest with me today about his concerns. Not the least of which is the possibility of him getting into a relationship with someone. Staying with him has lasted much longer than either one of us anticipated or intended.

I am not sure what is going to happen in 3 months. A part of me is thinking that may be when we part ways. I am concerned about spending money to move now, only to have to spend that much more - provided I even have it - a few months down the road.

I keep hoping for a BIG miracle. I wanted to say a miracle, but I am not sure that that would be accurate, as I have had many small miracles along the way. But I am scared. Very scared. Expenses are increasing and resources are nearly depleted. I really don't know how I am going to make it.

I try not to think about it. Sometimes I just live. But I somehow feel like I might just be delaying the inevitable. There aren't many options for someone who isn't making money.

On top of everything else, I am emotionally not in a good place. My friend is the one thing I have been able to depend on these last couple of years, and I feel like I am about to lose that.