Me. With no hairstyle.
What little hair I have was wet
and slicked down. If it wasn't
slicked down, it would stand up
and look very funny.
Maybe one day I will risk a
picture like that. But until then,
this is what the internet gets.
When I went to my last chemo treatment I found out that
I may have steroids to blame for not one, but two things!
Woo hoo. Just love the blame game.
Well. Not really. But I thought I would pretend. I
would rather have nothing to blame anything on. The
two things are the fact that there are times that I can't
sleep, and am up all night and my weight gain. Apparently
it happens, and once I am done chemo-ing, that should
supposedly change.
I guess that is good to know. But I really don't have a
clue about what to do with it.
My last chemo session was shorter than it has been.
With the change of drugs, it changed. But it also seems
that something they were giving me for nausea, they
didn't. That cut off half an hour. Then my treatment
for one of the chemos was also shortened. The nurse
speculated that it was because my white blood count
was low. (Remember how I inquired about the Neulasta
shot?).
I am not sure a lesser treatment (or one less Neulasta
shot) is anything I would want to complain about. I
just found it interesting. The time really flew by. And
I was so out of it at one point I was jarred, and thought
I was home, in bed, and it was morning.
Just love my visits to the Twilight Zone.
Do. Do. Do. Do.
**
I also just really love a lot of those people who work
where I go. I met a person on the train who said
something about another place. She said she heard
they were good, but they sucked when it came to the
patients.
(As a side note she told me about the US Gov and
Disability. I am not eligible because I can function
too well. Not really; but by their standards I don't
fit the criteria. However, if - and I hope this if never
comes to pass - I was to ever be in a situation in
which cancer spread - I would be able to apply and
be considered for Disability payments.)
So many of those I interact with at the facility are really
sweet. One person today gave me a couple of bracelets
that another makes and brings in. One day we were
talking about a person that I met who was going to send
me a bracelet.
But I never got his info, and I never got it, so I am not
sure what happened. I don''t think what she gave me was
his handiwork, but they are beauties, none-the-less. At
some point, I may have to try to take a picture of them.
Another person was pointing out to me how far I have
come. He saw me at my worst, in the hospital. He
reminded me to look at the difference. And there
definitely is one. Nice to have someone who has seen
the difference, and can point it out.
The reason, in part, that he did was because I was telling
him I felt like I should be happy/celebrating the pet scan
results more. The "problem" for me is the "asterisk" part.
If it wasn't for that, I could say I was cancer-free, and
feel like this was all behind me.
But the surreal part is that even if the cancer IS indeed
behind me, I am still getting chemo, and still feeling like
crap. So many times this week I was "close my eyes in
the middle of a sentence tired."
I guess it could be worse.
But the fact is that I have to believe they are getting better.
I know that many are opposed to chemo. I was one of
them, and I wanted to be one of them. The thing is that
the circumstances didn't quite work out that way, so I did
everything I could to work "with" it. I guess time will tell
what the results of that were. As with so much of my life,
maybe there is a reason this was the route that needed to
be taken. I want to sigh, but still think it could be a good
thing over all.
**
I also spoke with another beauty. I think we may have
spoken before, but I am not sure. If we did, we connected
in a whole new way. She says she does Reiki, and offered
to do some for me. Of course, I said I would gladly receive it.
The more, the merrier.
**
I want to believe there is more I wanted to say about the
day, but it eludes me at the moment. I really hate when
that happens. Sometimes it is just gone. Sometimes it
comes back a few days later, "oh, yeah..." Sometimes
things surprise me and stick around.
My head is definitely in an odd space these days. I
really do hope it finds its way to something close to
what it used to be, both inside and on the surface.
**
Thanks, as always, for being a part of this adventure
with me. Be well.
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