Transition Coming?

I wanted to do a more "natural" picture.
But I thought it might be a bit scary
looking, so I did a little Photoshop to
take off some of the edge.  :P

At some point I need to take a picture
with this wig and some make-up.
There is a story, of sorts, that goes
with it and I will share it with you.


**

Today I am feeling restless.  I feel like I should be doing things.  At
the same time, I feel unable to do much at all.  I went through some
pictures earlier today and found some I will scan and share.  It was
amazing to see things I had forgotten about, and it was interesting to
see how young some people (including myself) looked.

And, of course, I was looking at my hair in many of my pictures.

I have kinda gotten used to where things stand now, almost enjoying
the worlds of wig possibilities.  But when I see images of myself
before, it really does feel like a different me.  I can't imagine it is
"just" my hair that makes me feel that way, but it certainly is
something that is an obvious thing to note.

**

I am also feeling mixed about my recent news.  I feel like the end is
in sight.  At the same time, I would have preferred there be no
asterisk.  I also am uncertain about what comes next.  I was telling
someone that I feel like this is the beginning of a whole new episode
of things to deal with.  Just because the chemo is ending, it doesn't
mean that suddenly everything is going to be OK.

I have a hole I need to dig myself out of.

It seems to me that I will need to have a period of "recovery" from
the chemo.  Even though I don't know exactly what that means.

I also have a number of things that will be happening in November.
I will be quite busy for about two weeks.  I am hoping that I will
be up for it after all of this time of not doing much at all.  At the
same time, I think it will be soul food for me, so I am excited about
what I will be doing.

As I am writing, it occurs to me that one might think that I will
stop blogging here at some point.  And I find myself wondering
how I will know what that point is.  This blog is about someone
who has had a relationship with cancer.  It is something that is a
part of my life story.

It is something that is a part of who I am now.  That will never
change.  It is a part of me that has given me pause, and has given
me growth and understanding.  It is something that has spoken
loudly and left its mark on me in more ways than one.

I don't really know when I will stop writing here, but I guess if
there is a time, I will know when it is, and it will just naturally
evolve.  I think it won't be for a while, though, as I suspect the
journey of cancer has a myriad of pieces and parts that get
sprinkled throughout one's life and experiences.

The one thing that I will definitely desire, and strive for, is a blog
without any more entries about chemotherapy after the rounds
I have been scheduled for are complete.  It is something that will
be best left in the dust of the past.  I already feel myself wanting
to move forward, and I have to hope that is a good sign.

I have heard stories of those who have had cancer, had chemo,
and never again had to deal with it.  I would be quite happy to
be one of those.  I would also be quite happy to take what I have
gotten from this journey and have it be helpful in some bigger
world picture way.  No clue how that will be, either, but am
more than willing to let it unfold itself to me, if it's there for me
to do something with.

I really don't feel like this is the end.

It really feels much more like a scary beginning.

(Maybe that is why the scary picture?? LOL)