I can't remember if I ever talked about something that happened when I first was getting out again after chemo. It was a networking event, and I had just told a woman what I was dealing with.
As we spoke she was doing her sales pitch for retirement products/IRAs. I listened, but I knew that somehow she had not absorbed what I had said. Maybe she didn't realize that I had no money to invest. Maybe she didn't think about the fact that I might not make it to retirement age.
I know that was something that hit me in kind of a funny way. I was just trying to get through the moment. I couldn't even live in the "now." How was I going to consider investing in a future I may not have?
It was awkward for me. Perhaps it was awkward for her, too. Maybe she went for safe ground, what she knew she could talk about. I can understand that.
But it made me feel like she hadn't heard a single word I said.
I share this because it might be helpful to someone in some way. I think what happened happens with or without the awkward addition of cancer being injected into a conversation.
I have a feeling if she read this, and knew what happened, she'd feel awkward about it. I think most would. I know I would. And yet, we seem to do that as humans. We get caught up in our own comfort and do anything to avoid our own discomfort. I wonder how often we act like we are helping or caring about another when at the core is really a focus on ourselves?
It takes something to be aware. It takes something to step back and look at what we are doing and how we are doing it. It takes something to take that awareness and convert it into a different way of doing things. It takes wanting and being willing to do it in the first place.
What happened that day I will never forget. It is a reminder to me about how there may be times I won't listen to someone or be caught up in my own stuff. More than once it has caused me to pause before talking more. There are other times I become aware of what is happening, but I still let myself talk. I'm never perfect in its implementation. I am just human.
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