Hard to Keep Asking for Help

I posted this on GoFundMe and Facebook last night:

I know you have heard it from me so many times. It is that many that I wish I never had to say, "I need help." When I was diagnosed, I wanted to get through chemo. I had no idea at the time that it was not like getting over a cold. I was a bit nervous about what would come, but I just had to not let myself think about it. December came, and I was managing, but was on the brink.

Much of 2013 I have spent in the brink. Having to deal with post-chemo issues and now the prospect of surgery and chemo again has left me depleted. I spent what allowance of energy I had today trying to fo something worthwhile. The net result was fruitless.

It is so hard to do anything that even slightly resembles work. My living environment is a mess. And while I have not put out any messages of panic, I am lower financially than I have ever been. I have tried to ask for help before I was in desperate need of assistance - before I got to the point I wasn't going to be able to pay what I needed to.

My life is in the basics mode right now, but even that has to include me trying to do alternative things to help myself, and they ain't cheap. Chemo needs to be a choice of last resort because there aren't many options for my type of cancer and history. If I get treated and it doesn't work, it could be the end of the road sooner than I would likely like. That is why I need to do what I can for myself, but the stress and strain is enormous. I have tried to offer what I can in exchange for help.

With what little energy I have I would like to pursue speaking engagements at universities. I am trying to help myself. I am doing the best I can, and I greatly fear at times it may not be enough.

So many tell me how great I am and what a message I have, and what a difference I make. While I appreciate that, I sadly need more. Without help I would not have gotten this far, and without help, I do not know how I am going to make it.

If you are a person who sees value in who I am and what I can and do provide I am asking you to please consider finding a way to help me to continue to float. I had wondered at one point what it would be like to ask each person I met for $1 to help someone in need. It is an exercise I seriously have thought about doing, but haven't, in part, because I do not know who I would do it for. It is not the same if I do it for myself. It doesn't help, either, that I do not get out much.

I think about these things because I realize that what I ask of you is no small thing. I have never known anyone to be in my predicament. I would like to think at this point that if someone I knew and meant something to me was in need, I'd personally see what I could do to stir up some funds - even if "just" a dollar from those I knew.

If only I knew what to do, or what to do differently. It is one thing when you know what to do, but haven't, but it is all together something different when you not only don't have a clue, but even if someone came along and said do this, this and this it is not like you think you could.

I am so sad as I write this. I sometimes wonder if I am giving up little by little. I certainly hope not, but the life of struggle and survival can be very wearing. Please help if you can. Even $1 helps. Paypal will accept $1 payments. Say you are sending it to a friend, and there is no fee. ThankYou at JoLoPe.com is the address you can send it to.  Http://GoFundMe.com/rioj8 works, too. But the minimum is $5 and there is a greater fee taken out of it.

You have no idea how sorry I am to ask. Help. Please. And if there ever is anything I can do for you, please ask. There are so many possibilities. Thank you.

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