Saturday, February 22, 2014

All Aboard?

It is 1 minute away from 1:30 in the afternoon. I woke up a while ago, but have yet to make it out of bed. Why the "play by play?" I think many people have no idea how difficult it is for me at times. Appearances can be deceiving in the bit that is seen/experienced online. 

Much of what you actually see is done from bed. But I do not feel like I always need to be announcing that fact. And the thing is, I am not the only one who goes through this type of thing. There are many who likely seem a lot finer than they are. There are many who know "you" have no clue what they are dealing with, and that you would prefer to keep it that way. There are many who have heard the the things that can fix them, or why or how they created their own situation, enough times, it just makes preservation sense to stay quiet. 

There are many who have said and done everything they can think of, even the once unthinkable, but still find themselves in a place once unimaginable. There are many who are just trying to survive who are judged by those "fortunate" enough not to have a clue of what the other person is experiencing. 

There are many who now stand in a place that no one plans to stand in, and yet countless people once "fortunate" have their world transform and they join those they once judged, and instead of being one with all of the answers, they become one with the misunderstood. 

At first, they are silent. Embarrassed. Next. Incredulous. How can you not see? Understand? Unable to make it on their own, they have to reach out. Help? Please? As if a whisper. Help? Please understand. More insistent. Desperate. Help. I need help. Why is it it seems you can't hear me, or ignore me? I don't want to do this. Really I don't. But I need help. Help. Please. As if a whimper. 

This is not something that happens in isolation. It happens while living within a context no one wants to own. It happens while doing one's best in a context that now finds them deficient, lacking. We can never know what another deals with in its exact form, but at the core - our humanity knows. 

We know what it is like to be judged. We know how it feels to be found lacking. We know what it feels like to be ignored, what it feels like when no one wants to play with us. We know when we are being someone we are not, and remaining silent - just so we can hope to fit in. We know the discomfort of the game of pretend. 

We know how uncomfortable it is to have to hide who we are, and how much relief we can feel when we can just be ourselves without judgment or cost. We can relate to those who seem to be unrelatable. 

I hear in my head, "but why would anyone want to?" And, that my friends, is why we are so disjointed. So separate. So upset. So dysfunctional. That is, at least, in part, why we are having the issues we are.

I suspect that the more we could relate to others, the more we would assist them in their time of need, the less we would have to fear, the less that would be misunderstood.  Instead of running from something uncomfortable which only makes it a bigger and worse problem, an "Us v Them" problem, we would not have much to look at any more, because it would be handled in a way that lovingly understands the people and world in which we live, instead of fearing and condemning them. It would not stand out as much. 

But the thing is we can't get anywhere near there when we run away in fear. The only way to get there is to dance with the discomfort. I think "there" is worth getting to. The problem is we are too focused on where we think "there" is, and we stop short. We stop too soon. 

In some cases, it is like getting off the train a few stops too soon, and in others, we are too afraid to even board. I think we are becoming a world in which fewer people are willing to board the train. It does become a lot easier to board, though, when there is a fire behind you - when you feel you have no choice. 

It is times like those that have shown me that the other side exists - that there is not only more, but an incredible more. It is why I can say what I do. As terrifying as the train may be, the fire is even worse. At times I have been grateful for the fire. In fleeing, I got to run toward something I would have otherwise missed. 

What if running away from our fears only brings us bigger ones to face? What if facing our fears brings us to the best parts of life? I certainly think there could be some validity to that idea given some of the incredible things that have happened when I not only willingly boarded the train, but stayed on when things got rough.

All aboard?

No comments:

Post a Comment