I just cancelled my scan.
I don't know what is going on in my body, but I do know how anguished I was feeling. It was just like how I felt before the scheduled CT that I felt I should not have. As soon as I chose not to do the CT, there was peace. It turned out I did not need it, either, given where I was at.
Am I making the "right" choice? It feels like it - for me - especially when I feel this peaceful after I listen to what really feels right.
There is a small whisper in the back of my mind that says maybe the news would not be good, so maybe that is why I do not want it. After all, if it would be good, why not get it, and know that things are better?
But that part doesn't really worry me. The idea of getting of the scan was extremely unsettling. I really learned nothing on my trip, if I do not listen to my inner nudgings.
So. I am learning and I am listening.