Thursday, January 22, 2015

Feeling It

Well. Chemo is once again in my body. 

This time is a bit different in side effects. I don't feel as crappy as I have in the past, but the brain part is definitely impacted. I also have the reddest nose and cheeks. I look like I have been sun-burned. Nausea  has been mostly present in the mornings, but a lot less than before.  Very grateful for my Sea Band.

I have already felt my brain slower than it was, pausing to think of words, and the "best" part? My coat is in a car that will be in New York tonight. 

Does me a lot of good.

I was told today at least I "have an excuse," when it comes to my brain farts.  I then told this person how another previously made a comment out of frustration for my lack of being able to hold onto info that I needed to be treated like a child.

I did not appreciate that comment, but I could not in some way fault that person given that it must be extraordinarily frustrating to deal with someone who can't seem to be able to retain the simplest things.

Chemo has a way of making one live very  much in the moment, almost with blinders. It feels hard to see anything, or think anything, that isn't immediately needing focus and attention.

I am feeling very unsettled, and not liking this feeling. And it is only Week 1.

It probably doesn't help that physically I am also feeling weak. It takes a lot of effort to do even the most basic of things, and climbing steps is extremely slow and intentional.

I have spent the day in bed, but not sleeping. Last night wasn't a great night for sleeping, hoping tonight will somehow  be better. I have really come to appreciate the solid night sleeps with Nyquil. I need to find a good substitute.

I have tried Melatonin, and it seemed to stop working for me. Next up is Magnolia Extract. I am going to try it as soon as I get some (at least I think that is what was suggested...)

Chemo has often felt like a cloud/wet blanket, and I hate to say it, but it feels like it is back...

PS Have you seen Patreon.com/jolope? You can become a "patron" for as little as $1, and can cancel at any time. I have been dealing with cancer over 2 years now without an income, but thanks to the support and donations of others. If you value me or my work or words, your support in this way would be greatly appreciated, especially now, as I would really like to be able to focus on what I need to to take care of myself - instead of worrying how to make it financially. The challenge is as immense as you might imagine it would be. Thank you.

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