I want to cry...or sleep...or something

I woke up this morning to a scalp that is feeling "funny" already. It is the feeling I have had in the past that usually comes after the first several treatments. 

I also woke up to a message that I also forgot a bag in the car. That bag has sesame oil and other things in it. I need those things - especially the oil, as it helps with the...the...damn...I cannot remember the word.

It is a word I have used a lot. Platelets! 

It means I am going to have to go buy some today, when I probably won't want to leave my bed - much less the house.

Things like this worry me. When you don't even have a trigger in your mind that something is missing, lacking, not right, you can't do anything about it.

As important as the sesame oil is, it is something I should have been aware of.

On top of everything else, I seem to be constipated. That can't be helping mood, either. And I feel like crap.

I really went into this feeling mostly ok. Even a bit optimistic. But things like this really bother me. It is truly one of the worst aspects of chemo. I feel like I can't really take care of myself, and no one can take care of me. And then I wind up in worse shape because I miss things - including important ones. 

One night during past chemo treatments I came home on the train, and had left my phone. I was out of it from treatment, on top of everything else. I managed to get it back, but it sucked - big time.

The thing that scares me the most? This is only the beginning.

Do you appreciate my work? Would you consider being a patron for as little as $1 per month? You still get to ser my work fir free, you just help me get through the financial ramifications of having to deal - and live - with cancer and treatment. Patreon.com/jolope. You can cancel any time.