Friday, January 23, 2015

I want to cry...or sleep...or something

I woke up this morning to a scalp that is feeling "funny" already. It is the feeling I have had in the past that usually comes after the first several treatments. 

I also woke up to a message that I also forgot a bag in the car. That bag has sesame oil and other things in it. I need those things - especially the oil, as it helps with the...the...damn...I cannot remember the word.

It is a word I have used a lot. Platelets! 

It means I am going to have to go buy some today, when I probably won't want to leave my bed - much less the house.

Things like this worry me. When you don't even have a trigger in your mind that something is missing, lacking, not right, you can't do anything about it.

As important as the sesame oil is, it is something I should have been aware of.

On top of everything else, I seem to be constipated. That can't be helping mood, either. And I feel like crap.

I really went into this feeling mostly ok. Even a bit optimistic. But things like this really bother me. It is truly one of the worst aspects of chemo. I feel like I can't really take care of myself, and no one can take care of me. And then I wind up in worse shape because I miss things - including important ones. 

One night during past chemo treatments I came home on the train, and had left my phone. I was out of it from treatment, on top of everything else. I managed to get it back, but it sucked - big time.

The thing that scares me the most? This is only the beginning.

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  1. I hope you get through this. My uncle is going through the same thing. I know the burden it can have on a family. We are all in a similar situation helping him out during this time with so many things, including financials. God Bless you. You're in my prayers.

  2. Praying for you. I went through chemo too (oral chemo), and have many family members who have suffered from cancer. You are so brave for sharing your story and I know so many appreciate it, including me. I will be following your story.

  3. Aw, totally sorry to hear this. My mother went through this shortly after my little brother was born (in the 80's). She finally went home above in 2011. You please HANG IN THERE!!! Praying for you!!!