Sunday, January 25, 2015

When "Helpful" Is Not

People are always trying to be helpful. In our desire to be helpful, I am not sure we always understand how what we are saying affects another.

At one point, in his quest to keep me alive longer, my doctor told me how miserable it is to die dealing with ovarian cancer. I imagine any cancer is miserable.

It, however, was one of his major defenses for the chemo argument. What he did not realize was the impact of that statement. Short of a miracle/new - as yet unknown cure - that is what the docs think will happen to me.

Other times people try to tell me how bad certain things are for me - particularly food. I could drive myself crazy worrying about those things, and in some cases not eat at all, or wind up eating that thing that my mind now says is terrible for me.

It is not a particularly empowering choice, you know?

It is not like I have an income and freedom to always eat the way I want to. Sometimes to eat, I eat food someone else has offered/prepared.

Am I going to agonize every time that happens? I could; but I am not going to do that to myself.

As I told someone the other day, I am probably more aware than most about things. But money is greatly limited. I am doing the best I can to take care of myself with what I got.

On top of which, I do have questions about what truly does affect us. Some people who have a healthy lifestyle and diet still wind up dealing with cancer - and dying.

If there truly was a one-size-fits-all answer, I suspect all people taking care of themselves would stop being affected by cancer. But that has not happened.

Some might argue that a diagnosis of cancer is a person's fault. That probably only works until a diagnosis is more personally interacted with. And, if it is maintained post-diagnosis, I think it can
be tantamount to a form of torture.

If you care about someone - especially if you care - really consider being more aware of how you present your "helpful" tidbits. You have the potential to have a harmful - or at the very least opposite than desired - effect.

(Have you seen Patreon.com/jolope yet? If not, please take a peek. Thanks.)


  1. You can't fault people for wanting to help. But you're right, many don't realize the implications of their 'helpfulness'.

    1. Thx for your comment...With this post I sought to create an awareness of something people may not realize. I know many have the best of intentions.

  2. One lesson I have learned on my cancer journey is to ASK for what I need. It isn't always easy and sometimes I do not ask, but I find that when I do ask, there is always someone ready and willing to give me what I need. Wrapping you with love and healing.

    1. Asking is important. I have learned to speak up, on many levels. I am not sure how your comment relates to this post, however, I was speaking of, what more often than not, is unsolicited feedback/help. Although it can apply at other times, too. I think we all can feel how not beneficial some things are at times...and I was looking to create an awareness around that. Thanks for your good thoughts...and...right backattcha :)