It has been a rough day, and I can't lay blame on any one thing. Several hiccups happened, and my annoyance meter is at a high-pitched fever at the moment.
I think it is one of those moments reality is more than real. It is in the foreground, instead of the background. All of the things I have difficulty with now have the potential of being even worse if I begin chemo in a couple of weeks.
I also have so many things I need to do before then. To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement.
The blog contest I am in feels like it is going "no where" in that for it to "really" matter, I really should be in the Top 3. I am trying to be open-minded and optimistic that a miracle could happen any number of ways - if not for me, at least for those who are putting in a great deal of effort trying to help. But under this dark-ish cloud, I am having trouble seeing the light.
I am at one of those moments I just do not know how I am gonna make it.
Thankfully, I suppose, my giving up is only momentary, and tomorrow is another day. I certainly hope it is better than today was.
I was going to end this on a much more positive/optimistic note than I feel. I am not sure why I am telling you this, other than perhaps, to try to tell you that I am not always as strong as I seem. I may "present well," but I am frightened, sad and all kinds of emotions that have me crying at the moment, my shoulders hurting, and my stomach in knots.