The Artist Speaks

Back in October and November, I decided to claim myself an "artist." I had painted for 42 days straight. I had used the term for myself as a descriptor, but had never really claimed it until then.

I was pretty impressed with myself, and when I returned I decided that I wanted to do something with those pieces of art. I want to do talks. I want to make inspirational cards. I want to make a book, or books, out of them.

I started to do the book, but haven't been able to finish. I had wanted to complete the cards before beginning chemo, but I am not sure I will even be able to get them started by that time.

*Heavy Sigh.*

I tell myself I am doing all I can, and that I am doing the best I can, and that the timing and circumstances will be perfect, as it often is, but I still find myself bummed, and a bit frustrated.

There is just so much to do. My book still needs proof-reading, too, and at some point I want to find a way to publish it in "real" form (more than just a PDF) (SometimesitSuckstobeHuman.com).

Things are different now than they were before. There are times I feel like I am running against the clock. The fact is, I have always been running against the clock (as we all are), I just never really acknowledged it in the way that something like actively dealing with cancer has you thinking about.

The image above is the first piece that I have painted since my return home. I have been "doodling," but I hadn't actually painted on a canvas - until yesterday. I have been wanting to get a bigger canvas (previous ones were 8x10 and 8x8), and I felt like I needed to paint. The canvas was barely home ten minutes before I had brush in hand, and the image took on a life of its own.

I really love it. Unfortunately the image doesn't do the canvas justice. But it gives you an idea of what it looks like. I have wondered if I should sell it, or if I should keep it. I kept thinking I should sell it. But something keeps telling me to keep it. So I guess time will tell which way it goes. I do, however, have the perfect spot on the wall for it.

Two, actually

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