Thursday, March 12, 2015

A Mess

I have never shaved my head dealing with cancer, and have never been fully bald, despite the fact that so many encouraged me to do it, thinking that would somehow help.

Before I began chemo last summer, I was liking my hair. It had come back, and it was doing well. I was feeling "normal," at least in that regard.

When it started to fall out, I kept what didn't. I tried to even have the illusion of hair by keeping whatever length was left.

I have had a hybrid of hair for the last several months, as the once bald spots have filled in with baby fine hair that is much shorter than other hair. It literally stands up now, and would be funny, if I was in the mood to have a sense of humor about it.

I haven't gotten it cut because I wanted to see where chemo would take me this time. Should the hair fall out, it becomes a non-issue.

Some, trying to be helpful/positive would say, "At least you have hair." Sorry to say, not really helpful at all. I used to have hair that was long and curly and I loved it. As a kid, not so much, but I really came to love it.

Now. Well. It is a big mess. 

There are days I shrug it off and keep going. There are other days and other times I am really sad. 

I actually calculated that it could take 3, or more, years for me to ever see hair like I used to have - at least length-wise. Three years for someone dealing with   cancer...well, you do the math...

I am at least greatful I still have eyebrows. In some way, that is a bigger deal. You can't just throw a hat on them.

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1 comment:

  1. Elizabeth - I am sorry your situation with your hair causes you such distress. Right now, I am bald again.
    Not because of chemo, but the stress of caring for my elderly father, trying to get him into an aged care facility as he descends into dementia, and not being able to be there for him literally 24/7 gave me a breakdown at his Drs. I just started crying, and shouting, and saying I couldn't do it any more. That someone needed to help.
    Then, I went home and shaved my head. Again. I have been bald for my cancer. I was bald twelve months later, trying to deal with my family situation. Now, I am bald again. Two years, with almost no hair.
    For me, no hair is a no brainer. It just leaves me free to get on with doing whatever else I need to do. I have a wardrobe of lovely scarves and hats.
    It's just starting to grow again. It will be ages before I have any hair to speak of. Certainly to style, or curl.
    For me, peace of mind is worth more than the anguish of worrying about it.
    It works for me. I am sorry it doesn't work for you.
    I would suggest you get it cut and styled, so it doesn't look terribly short and your new hair will blend into it. Wear a scarf or a hat, while it's growing.
    Accept, that for the time being, your long locks are not realistic.
    You know I care deeply for you. I just want you to give yourself the least amount of pain possible. xxx