A Mess

I have never shaved my head dealing with cancer, and have never been fully bald, despite the fact that so many encouraged me to do it, thinking that would somehow help.

Before I began chemo last summer, I was liking my hair. It had come back, and it was doing well. I was feeling "normal," at least in that regard.

When it started to fall out, I kept what didn't. I tried to even have the illusion of hair by keeping whatever length was left.

I have had a hybrid of hair for the last several months, as the once bald spots have filled in with baby fine hair that is much shorter than other hair. It literally stands up now, and would be funny, if I was in the mood to have a sense of humor about it.

I haven't gotten it cut because I wanted to see where chemo would take me this time. Should the hair fall out, it becomes a non-issue.

Some, trying to be helpful/positive would say, "At least you have hair." Sorry to say, not really helpful at all. I used to have hair that was long and curly and I loved it. As a kid, not so much, but I really came to love it.

Now. Well. It is a big mess. 

There are days I shrug it off and keep going. There are other days and other times I am really sad. 

I actually calculated that it could take 3, or more, years for me to ever see hair like I used to have - at least length-wise. Three years for someone dealing with   cancer...well, you do the math...

I am at least greatful I still have eyebrows. In some way, that is a bigger deal. You can't just throw a hat on them.

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