I always knew I was creative...

I just never called myself an artist. 

I am really tired, but before I go to bed tonight, I want to express incredible gratitude for the creative expression that has been flowing through me. I never imagined the scope, or the type. It took cancer showing up for this part of me to also come into being.

I can't tell you how excited that makes me. 

It is such a mixed bag, given all that it has come with. At the same time, I am very emotional right now. I got my first "commission" request. If I didn't consider myself an artist before, I know without a doubt I am one now.

I look back a few years ago, when I started my Cedonaah.blogspot.com blog. "All" I was doing was creating images on the computer. Some were hybrids, as I was doing some oil pastel work. But I did not consider myself as an artist. I was more just someone doing something she enjoyed. 

There were times I wished I could do something more, seemingly, tangible, and create the work as a three dimensional piece, but felt I needed to just "accept" that that was not my "thing." I had been told by others that I was an artist, but it was a term I shied away from.

At one point, I was doing a lot of "Cedonaahs," and a lot of time was spent creating them. I was doing them because I felt driven, and did not know what else I should be doing. I told this to a friend. In a well-meaning way she told me that "artists don't make any money," and pretty much was discouraging me from what I was doing.

It sucked. I already said I didn't know what else to do. It wasn't like it was taking me away from some great money making project. I doubt she understood how that made me feel since she was so certain she was being helpful, and giving me the "hard truth."

I knew deep down that I had to do what I was doing, and whether or not I sold anything, I felt I needed to share it. That was when the blog was born.

I can see so clearly how my creativity over the years intertwined with itself. There is a coming together of so many facets in my current work. My favorite pieces are ones that have more than one medium. The artist's eye that I have nurtured in a myriad of ways is maturing, and morphing into other things. 

What excites me, besides the discovery, is the fact that others are excited by my work; I am not the only one who seems to like and appreciate it. It has given me such incredible confidence to keep growing, and moving forward. I am grateful for the feedback, and the fact that the feedback is as positive as it is.

I get scared that I might not get to enjoy this part of myself very long. I really hate to think I am only going to discover this person, and then she'll be gone. I have come so far, and I can't help but wonder how much farther I can go. 

I can only hope I get the opportunity to find out.

Ps would you consider becoming a patron of me, and my work? You can, for even just $1 per month. Patreon.com/jolope Thank you.