Monday, March 16, 2015

I always knew I was creative...

I just never called myself an artist. 

I am really tired, but before I go to bed tonight, I want to express incredible gratitude for the creative expression that has been flowing through me. I never imagined the scope, or the type. It took cancer showing up for this part of me to also come into being.

I can't tell you how excited that makes me. 

It is such a mixed bag, given all that it has come with. At the same time, I am very emotional right now. I got my first "commission" request. If I didn't consider myself an artist before, I know without a doubt I am one now.

I look back a few years ago, when I started my Cedonaah.blogspot.com blog. "All" I was doing was creating images on the computer. Some were hybrids, as I was doing some oil pastel work. But I did not consider myself as an artist. I was more just someone doing something she enjoyed. 

There were times I wished I could do something more, seemingly, tangible, and create the work as a three dimensional piece, but felt I needed to just "accept" that that was not my "thing." I had been told by others that I was an artist, but it was a term I shied away from.

At one point, I was doing a lot of "Cedonaahs," and a lot of time was spent creating them. I was doing them because I felt driven, and did not know what else I should be doing. I told this to a friend. In a well-meaning way she told me that "artists don't make any money," and pretty much was discouraging me from what I was doing.

It sucked. I already said I didn't know what else to do. It wasn't like it was taking me away from some great money making project. I doubt she understood how that made me feel since she was so certain she was being helpful, and giving me the "hard truth."

I knew deep down that I had to do what I was doing, and whether or not I sold anything, I felt I needed to share it. That was when the blog was born.

I can see so clearly how my creativity over the years intertwined with itself. There is a coming together of so many facets in my current work. My favorite pieces are ones that have more than one medium. The artist's eye that I have nurtured in a myriad of ways is maturing, and morphing into other things. 

What excites me, besides the discovery, is the fact that others are excited by my work; I am not the only one who seems to like and appreciate it. It has given me such incredible confidence to keep growing, and moving forward. I am grateful for the feedback, and the fact that the feedback is as positive as it is.

I get scared that I might not get to enjoy this part of myself very long. I really hate to think I am only going to discover this person, and then she'll be gone. I have come so far, and I can't help but wonder how much farther I can go. 

I can only hope I get the opportunity to find out.

Ps would you consider becoming a patron of me, and my work? You can, for even just $1 per month. Patreon.com/jolope Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. I think it's grand that you've connected the dots on your creativity. So many don't, or won't, do so. Just continue to create as the spirit moves you. There is depth and understanding in the simplest brush strokes and your discovery, and your pursuit of that part of yourself, is inspiring. I know it's given me something to think about.