Monday, March 2, 2015

Some are criticizing William Shatner for not being at the funeral of a dear friend he knew for about 50 years. Did it ever occur to any of these people that were being in judgment that maybe he didn't mind the conflict? Why does everyone have to grieve the same way? How would you feel losing someone that close that you knew for that long? It could be I am off base here. But, geez, people...regardless of circumstance, the man must be grieving. Why not leave him alone? What he does/doesn't do, is no one's business but his own.

I posted the above on Facebook yesterday. One of those who commented said she was always taught that going to the funeral was the last thing you could "do" for someone. That reason was the basis of why it was so important to go. 

It got me thinking about the many things others have told us, that we told ourselves as a result, and then readily passed it along as "fact." We do it a lot, and sometimes so seamlessly. We then expect that others will believe and do the same, that others should believe and do the same.

Maybe there are times what others do/don't do matters in a bigger sense, but I think we often wind up inserting ourselves where we do not belong. I realize it is a part of the Experience Human to do this, so it must serve a purpose of some sort, right?

Maybe life once depended on people coming together, and believing the same things. Maybe the perceived unity was integral to survival, itself.

I can't help but think things like reactions to William Shatner are more about the survival of ego, and looking good, or better than. And, if it is that, it is miles away from what is truly survival. But, in all   likelihood, it likely feels that important/urgent to those who feel compelled to speak up/judge - which is why situations can escalate, and get as negative as they do.

So many parts of life are not about the things we think they are. Reactions to William Shatner are likely much more personal than they are about him. For that matter, reactions to what I am writing are likely much more personal than they are about me.

People speak up many times because there is pain attached. Often it is unrecognized pain. Diverting the pain is a way not to deal with it, and it is even easier to deal with, when focused elsewhere/on someone else. But to admit it is to have to acknowledge the pain we are so desperate to avoid, so we can become even more offensive in our actions to defend the wall of protection we have created. 

Tell someone any of this who isn't able or willing to hear it, and they will likely not agree, and maybe even find something else to divert their attention to, further removing themselves from their pain. Pain sucks, so while this approach makes some sort of sense on one level, it  has the ability to cause all kinds of other pain in the process. 

Maybe there is nothing wrong to fix about  this. Maybe just having an awareness that it happens can help. Maybe there are times the judgments we have about things and people are "worse" than any belief we may have about what they do, or don't do.

I am just thinking out loud here. No one ever needs to agree with me. If what I write makes you pause for a moment, I wouldn't mind. :p I don't really know if what I am speculating is "right." Just like you, I am trying to find my way through this maze. 

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