Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Went to bed...

I went to bed, and I wasn't feeling great. I tossed and I turned. I dreamt of Mrs Eisenhower, and of spending time with her. I also dreamt that Ross Perot had requested to see me. Odd that these people were in my dream. I am usually not dreaming about anything even remotely "political." Oddly, perhaps, Mrs Eisenhower said her name in the dream, and it wasn't what it has been said to be.

I also now remember another part of the dreams: a terrible train wreck. There was a lot of fire and destruction. It seemed to go on for miles, and get worse. I think I was with Mrs Eisenhower at the time.

I woke up this morning and am feeling physically crappy. Last night it was more stress than physical stuff. This morning they seem to be double teaming me. In speaking with someone they expressed surprise at what they deemed my surprise was at my situation in regard to the minimal help I receive from others. 

There is no surprise. There is frustration. What do you do when you don't know what to do? What do you do when you tell people you are drowning, and you are flailing, and many just seem to watch - or not notice?

This isn't a comprehensive look at my life right now, but it is a lot closer than most would like it to be - especially me. There are times I am calm about it all, and can only hope it truly is calm, and not battle fatigue. I do occasionally wonder if what I feel is just sheer exhaustion. 

Ideally I could focus on myself and the things I need for my health and well-being. Instead, I find myself caught up trying to do what I can to survive fiscally. It is scary on so many levels, not the least of which is what will happen if I can't function?

I am still in bed. I know I should get up and do stuff. But I really do feel crappy. I am not sure that is going to happen - at least not any time soon.

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