Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Where do you think help comes from?

Many people think I must get help from all over the place. Do you? Where do you think that help comes from?


My experience so far: A woman told me I should contact churches for help. When I was hesitant, she offered to contact 3 for me. One told her about a place I am not eligible to use. Another told her they only help organizations/groups. The third I never heard from.


There are women with Stage 4 breast cancer who have been denied Disability. Me? They screwed with my paperwork. It was lost. I was denied. I have had to reapply. It takes months to get a response. Even if it was to come through at some point, it won't be a cure all remedy, as it won't be enough to live on, especially if it gets to a point that I need to pay rent somewhere again. It is designed in such a way I truly believe they want people to die before they ever see a dime. They make it hard to deal with, especially for those who are the most disabled.


Many organizations don't give the ga-billions you give them to the actual people dealing with cancer. Many times the majority of the money - if not all - goes to overhead, and "research." While research is a good thing, it doesn't help those dealing with cancer on a day-to-day, putting food in their mouth/keeping their electricity on basis. Those who actually help people are few and far between. There are also parameters: where you live, male/female, age, type of cancer. If you don't fit the parameters, you don't get help. And many times? You don't get help.


Family are "people." And people often do not understand how the situation truly is. They are just as willing to go along in life without paying any attention to the fact that there might be a need. Some may not be in a position to do anything. Just because someone is related doesn't mean any problems are solved. In fact, as you may be aware, sometimes family only makes things more complicated.


"Friends" are people, too. See: Family. Friends offer there own set of complications. Friends can also freely walk away because they are not "family." Friends can make their own rules, because they are friends. Friends can also help more than most, but they don't "have" to. Friends who have helped look at everyone else who hasn't/won't and don't understand why others don't step up. They can help; but they can't solve all my problems. Should the burden of your friend's situation become yours? Would you take it on? Could you?

Significant Other?

I don't have one. And, even if did, that person isn't required to stick around. I imagine there are many significant others who don't, and others who feel the incredible pressure of the belief of others that they are supposed to take care of everything because they are the "significant other." But having that title doesn't magically create all that one needs for everything to be ok. What if they can't work because the partner/family needs them? What if they lose their job while taking care of their partner?


Strangers have helped me. Some strangers have even become new friends. However a majority of strangers do not help. The easiest reason not to help someone? "I don't know them."

This is a fairly broad brushstroke, but is the essence of what I, and many others, face. You may think there has to be "someone" else who can help/fix things. But if I am going to survive the ramifications of living with cancer, the someone I really need is...YOU.

Sorry. I hate to say it, and put you on the spot that way. But it is all too true. We have the illusion that we know what things in our life look like. We think we know the people, and how things go, and will go, in times of trouble. The thing is what we think often is what we'd really like to believed, and while you might be right for yourself (and you'll never really know whether they are, or not, until your beliefs are experience tested) there are those it won't be true for, so over-laying your blueprint onto someone else just doesn't work. But it doesn't mean we won't try, especially if it lets us off the hook.

You can choose to help me - or another - or not. I just present this to you as information to consider. If you are going to make a choice, it might be better to make it on more accurate information than you may otherwise have. If everyone was to always think "someone" else was going to help another, no one would be getting any help at all. And that might seem to be an OK thing - as long as you aren't the one needing it. 

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