Monday, March 23, 2015

Feeling Overwhelmed

It should be a good thing. There is a chance I will have an art show in April. It is exciting and intimidating and all kinds of things.

Many people I talk to think I just need to show up. What's the big deal?

The thing is there is a whole lot of stuff I need to do administratively to get organized before then. To go from barely functioning to pushing to get things done is not only stressful, but I also think a layer of impossible.

So why do it? I am sure there are those who are thinking this very question. Why do that to myself? 

Because...I HAVE to.

My financial situation is still quite dire. I am trying not to go to the places people don't want me to go, but in not "pushing"  my reality, there isn't much activity in terms of help. 

I have just been trying to keep busy "doing," in the hope that things will shift. Given I got my first commission recently, I can only hope it is. But that commission alone does not resolve my issues.

I am also likely to be on chemo until the summer. The grind of that in the midst of trying to survive financially is not helping in the least.

I feel like I need a release, but am not sure where the heck I would find one, short of some significant financial help.

I feel like I want to/need to scream. My list of things to deal with - but not dealt with - feels like it is growing longer. 

It is so hard to do the things the left brain deals with. When overwhelmed, and "healthy," it is bad enough. But feeling as I do, it just feels like too much.

Ps want to help? Please check out Patreon.com/jolope. $1 per month helps, and you can cancel any time. Thank you for whatever you can do. I really need your help to spread the word about my work, and my need. I hate to ask, but I hate even being in a position that demands I ask even more. 

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