A Poem

It needs editing...but I wanted to share it...

You tell me

You love me

I know what I wish it meant

So much time

So much energy

Thinking about an us

That might not be meant

I love that you love me

Nothing about that is bad

But what I wish for

Sometimes makes me sad

So much I am going through

So much has been gone through

I try to be positive and optimistic

But I find myself feeling blue

I want to love you up close

And at a distance

To kiss your forehead

In a for instance

I feel you even when 

There is nothing to feel

There is much about you

That is helping me to heal

Despite the pain

When it comes to you

Love is my refrain

The tender touch

Is appreciated

More than words could ever say

I wonder how best to relay

The magnificence of what I feel

In some ways I could not ask 

For a better deal

But greedy I am

Having had a taste

And wanting nothing to waste

It is a situation 

That leaves so

Many questions

And provides so little directions

How do I tell my heart

That only a small piece of

You is my part

In some ways

It would never have wanted to start

Something that would be so tart

And yet so sweet it is

As sweet you are

It is what has had me come from afar

And had my heart draw near

To spite the love is fear

And not wanting to let go of something so dear

But what exactly it is

Is not exactly what's been

It is all so beautiful

And tragic

And my head does spin

Do I love you

Or do I love who you are

Either way you have lit

The road I have been on

Like a shining star

It is a miracle we met

Even more a miracle

After time itself was spent

I know I should be grateful for what is

But my heart isn't as wise

As the love that lives in it

You, too, live within me

You are an incredible part

Of who I am

I have no idea how it came to be

But i only know - even if I cannot see

I am so confused

But there are times

To you I feel so fused

I am grateful

Indeed I am

But with you

There is more

Than I will ever understand

There is such love, such power,

In simply holding your hand

This may not go where I want it to

But in my heart

I only have love to impart

I wish you to be happy

Loved

Content

If it is with another

I can only hope

That the love I feel

Will help me cope

Love is never attached to

Any one thing

But there is something about you

That does make my heart sing

You mean so much to me

More than I ever thought you would

More than I ever thought anyone could

My fear has me want to disappear

Inside the safety - outside of my despair

I do not know how I will make it,

Or even if I can

But it is the beauty of the love

You feel that helps a weakened me to stand

I do not like depending on you

Especially with the way things have been, or how they may come to be

It really does terrify me, you see.

It is like you are my legs when

I am unable to walk

It isn't fair to you, I know,

But you draw lines for me where I didn't see any with your gentle chalk

Maybe you are meant to be 

Nothing more than you have been

But I am in no place to understand

Anything that to me is much

Like life itself

As I declare how I feel

I wonder if it's too much for you to deal

It has to be scary being you in relation to me. 

So many reasons that could cause someone to run

It is the farthest thing from anything fun

It is serious and heavy

And there are times it helps keep me steady

I would rather not tell you how I really feel 

I am all too vulnerable and raw

But life has me in so many ways down to the last straw

Whether there is more to life or not

I am grateful for what time

With you does impart

Thank you for being the special heart

You are

For being the smiling, charming dimpled one whether it be near or far.

I want to wrap this on a positive note because it is you that has helped me to stay afloat.

But positive as I can be, 

There is a part of me

That truly struggles

It wants every day cuddles

Love without condition

Is love without fear

It is something I want

For someone I hold most dear

I don't know how I can do this

But I don't know how I have done

What I did

I will do what I can

To keep

Going

And

Drive into any skid.

Thank you for your part of this trip,

I wish I could say without anything else

But it is who you are that makes me want

So

Much more

Than to

just take a dip.

I want to swim the ocean blue with you

Into a future forever new

I want to become as the waves

And their gentle caress

And through our love

Have life express

You know this

I know you do

But I can't help but to say it again and again

Maybe I will get lucky and a

Magic spell will begin

But even if it doesn't, for now

A dream it will be, as a needed escape for the part of me that feels that life is anything but

It feels so much like a nightmare

With twists and turns that aren't fair

With blinding lights and sounds that blare

A focus on you helps me forget

The pain, the agony and all sorts of regret

Is it healthy? 

I have no way to know

But it feels important in a way that helps my life continue to flow

Is this about you?

Maybe

Maybe not

But I know it - and you - are a great part of the journey of my heart.

And it may only be the start

Of pain or pleasure

With life you never know

But you are almost always

Guaranteed a show

As long as you breathe

Life will always have something up is sleeve

If it is not you 

I can only hope and believe

That love will find its way to me

In a way as sweetly as you did

And let me lay my sweet head

And let me get lost in love

Instead of fear

And let me know that

my life 

alone 

I need not bear

I may be asking too much

But with you I had a vision

It gives me hope that I might

Have what I want - 

even with a bit of revision

Before you my heart was broke

You gave me something that was never spoke.

I love you madly, deeply

And all my love I give you completely.