Thursday, June 4, 2015

A Poem

It needs editing...but I wanted to share it...

You tell me
You love me
I know what I wish it meant
So much time
So much energy
Thinking about an us
That might not be meant
I love that you love me
Nothing about that is bad
But what I wish for
Sometimes makes me sad
So much I am going through
So much has been gone through
I try to be positive and optimistic
But I find myself feeling blue
I want to love you up close
And at a distance
To kiss your forehead
In a for instance
I feel you even when 
There is nothing to feel
There is much about you
That is helping me to heal
Despite the pain
When it comes to you
Love is my refrain
The tender touch
Is appreciated
More than words could ever say
I wonder how best to relay
The magnificence of what I feel
In some ways I could not ask 
For a better deal
But greedy I am
Having had a taste
And wanting nothing to waste
It is a situation 
That leaves so
Many questions
And provides so little directions
How do I tell my heart
That only a small piece of
You is my part
In some ways
It would never have wanted to start
Something that would be so tart
And yet so sweet it is
As sweet you are
It is what has had me come from afar
And had my heart draw near
To spite the love is fear
And not wanting to let go of something so dear
But what exactly it is
Is not exactly what's been
It is all so beautiful
And tragic
And my head does spin
Do I love you
Or do I love who you are
Either way you have lit
The road I have been on
Like a shining star
It is a miracle we met
Even more a miracle
After time itself was spent
I know I should be grateful for what is
But my heart isn't as wise
As the love that lives in it
You, too, live within me
You are an incredible part
Of who I am
I have no idea how it came to be
But i only know - even if I cannot see
I am so confused
But there are times
To you I feel so fused
I am grateful
Indeed I am
But with you
There is more
Than I will ever understand
There is such love, such power,
In simply holding your hand
This may not go where I want it to
But in my heart
I only have love to impart
I wish you to be happy
If it is with another
I can only hope
That the love I feel
Will help me cope
Love is never attached to
Any one thing
But there is something about you
That does make my heart sing
You mean so much to me
More than I ever thought you would
More than I ever thought anyone could
My fear has me want to disappear
Inside the safety - outside of my despair
I do not know how I will make it,
Or even if I can
But it is the beauty of the love
You feel that helps a weakened me to stand
I do not like depending on you
Especially with the way things have been, or how they may come to be
It really does terrify me, you see.
It is like you are my legs when
I am unable to walk
It isn't fair to you, I know,
But you draw lines for me where I didn't see any with your gentle chalk
Maybe you are meant to be 
Nothing more than you have been
But I am in no place to understand
Anything that to me is much
Like life itself
As I declare how I feel
I wonder if it's too much for you to deal
It has to be scary being you in relation to me. 
So many reasons that could cause someone to run
It is the farthest thing from anything fun
It is serious and heavy
And there are times it helps keep me steady
I would rather not tell you how I really feel 
I am all too vulnerable and raw
But life has me in so many ways down to the last straw
Whether there is more to life or not
I am grateful for what time
With you does impart
Thank you for being the special heart
You are
For being the smiling, charming dimpled one whether it be near or far.
I want to wrap this on a positive note because it is you that has helped me to stay afloat.
But positive as I can be, 
There is a part of me
That truly struggles
It wants every day cuddles
Love without condition
Is love without fear
It is something I want
For someone I hold most dear
I don't know how I can do this
But I don't know how I have done
What I did
I will do what I can
To keep
Drive into any skid.
Thank you for your part of this trip,
I wish I could say without anything else
But it is who you are that makes me want
Much more
Than to
just take a dip.
I want to swim the ocean blue with you
Into a future forever new
I want to become as the waves
And their gentle caress
And through our love
Have life express
You know this
I know you do
But I can't help but to say it again and again
Maybe I will get lucky and a
Magic spell will begin
But even if it doesn't, for now
A dream it will be, as a needed escape for the part of me that feels that life is anything but
It feels so much like a nightmare
With twists and turns that aren't fair
With blinding lights and sounds that blare
A focus on you helps me forget
The pain, the agony and all sorts of regret
Is it healthy? 
I have no way to know
But it feels important in a way that helps my life continue to flow
Is this about you?
Maybe not
But I know it - and you - are a great part of the journey of my heart.
And it may only be the start
Of pain or pleasure
With life you never know
But you are almost always
Guaranteed a show
As long as you breathe
Life will always have something up is sleeve
If it is not you 
I can only hope and believe
That love will find its way to me
In a way as sweetly as you did
And let me lay my sweet head
And let me get lost in love
Instead of fear
And let me know that
my life 
I need not bear
I may be asking too much
But with you I had a vision
It gives me hope that I might
Have what I want - 
even with a bit of revision
Before you my heart was broke
You gave me something that was never spoke.
I love you madly, deeply
And all my love I give you completely.

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