An Inquiring Mind

Last night, as I lay in bed, unable to sleep, I was thinking about some stuff. For some, a change in life would often mean a denial of something. As a metaphor, it would mean a denial of say, "the dark." The person would not see the dark, or acknowledge it.

But.

Here is the thing. The dark exists. 

We can deny it all we like, but it still exists.

So then I asked myself a set of questions. Is there light in dark? Is there dark in light? I have heard the phrase, "perfect love casteth out fear." If love is light, and fear is dark, is the light capable of casting out the dark?

I thought about a dark room. If a light goes on, does any darkness remain? I guess it would depend on where you were looking. I can turn on every light in the house at night, but when I go outside, it is still dark (at least in most places, for a majority of people). 

The lights I put on did not cast out the dark. The dark still exists - just not within the box called "house." Even as the sun rises on the day, darkness still exists - just not within the area I happen to be immediately aware of.

I think part of the problem I have with many look at things is the fact that I feel there is a denial of what is. "I don't like what I see, so I am just not going to look at it." So many use the refrain, "think positive." I can think light, day, love all I want, but it isn't going to take away the fact that dark, night, fear exist.

Some would say "Love" is God. And if God made everything, then he made the opposite of everything. That would mean that within Love, there is fear. That means within fear is Love. That would mean within the dark is light, and within the light is dark. 

It is now a new day, and I have been listening to a talk by Marianne Williamson about miracles and a Course in Miracles. She talks about light and dark, but says that dark is the absence of light. She also says "dark" is a illusion of the ego, and equates "faith" in what "is" to a pilot flying without being able to see the horizon. The pilot knows it's there, even if it is unable to be seen or experienced; there is no question.

So. When things look dark, it would seem, according to Marianne, and the Course, that the darkness is illusion. The real, the true is only Love. But that takes me back to what I was saying before which is if Love is God, and God created all, then S/He created all.

Is it possible to have the only "real" creations be the "good" stuff? How convenient, in some way, as we humans don't like the bad stuff. Marianne says miracles are a result of unlearning, and that our "natural" way is that of fear, and how we need to unlearn it, replacing it with Love. If in Love, we know it because we are calm.

Even if these perspectives are "right," if an illusion seems to be real, does it matter if it really is, or not? After all, if we will act on it as if it was, does it really matter how "valid" it truly is? And if life is here to teach us something, it would seem we would need the seeming reality of the unreal so that we interacted with it in a way that we would have that opportunity to learn. If we believed it to be fake, we would have a whole different reaction to it - if any at all.

To me, that says, that these "unreal" things are also of God - provided you believed in God in the first place. And if one believes that only Good is of God, then it would seem the seemingly "bad" would have to be considered "good," even if "just" illusion.

You pretty much get to "keep" the things you make an argument for. Do I want to keep the seemingly negative and dark stuff? Hardly. At the same time, I am not sure that a denial of it, or a pushing away of it, or labeling it negatively particularly helps.

Yesterday I was trying to find my way down a different path, having recently questioned if there might be other ways of looking at things. At the time that I wrote the first several paragraphs above, I did not know how challenging the day would become.

It is a hell of a lot easier to "be positive" and say platitudes, and be in "a good space" when not face-to-face, nose-to-nose, with something that appears to be a huge, scary monster. People can say anything that sounds good when not challenged.

I have often questioned those who stay positive all the freaking time. It has seemed unrealistic to me. How is it possible to truly be that positive all the time? I have often wondered how "real" how they seemed to be was. For the first time ever, I think I could see how it could be real for them. If they see past the so-called illusion, then the world will seem much different to them than it likely does to others.

Yesterday I had the thought that maybe we just need to be with the things that show up, as they show up. After all, they show up. Perhaps the thing is what we do with them when they do. Do we invite them in, and give them their own room, or do we tell them we are not interested or something in between?

The last few years I have gotten much better at moving through stuff than I used to be. The quagmire of negativity that was my life started to dissipate when I stopped resisting things, and acknowledged them instead.

Man. I have so many damn questions about things. I know there is a Course in Miracles workbook. I am thinking about getting it. I am curious to know what it might stir in me. I don't know that I would agree with it all, as I already think I might be looking at things differently than it. But maybe it will help me see the things I do believe more clearly, and maybe make me question them in a way that would ultimately be helpful.  

lol. I suppose it could also confuse and complicate things, too. But I guess I won't know, unless I try.