Monday, June 22, 2015

It has been a cake walk...until now...

This "one shot" chemo (1 time a month vs several) is horrid. Beyond horrid. If I couldn't sleep most of the time, I would go out of my mind. I can't eat properly because my digestion is messed up. I want to eat, as I am hungry, but the nausea tells me it is not a good idea.

In the last few days, I have eaten a banana, 4 or 5 pretzels, a little bit of yogurt (a couple ounces, maybe) and watermelon. I thought the watermelon would be a good choice, given it is mostly water. Afterward I started cramping.

I also still have to be careful what goes in, as things are taking their time finding the Exit Door.

I am really struggling with just about everything at the moment. It would be nice if we didn't have to eat. But the fact is, it is one way I have enjoyed life. I have enjoyed baking and cooking. It is really hard to think of having a Quality of Life when there doesn't seem to be any.

I have slept almost around the clock for several days now. I can barely stand at times. Going up and down steps is ridiculously slow, and I have to be sure to hold onto the railing so I have a brace. But I am so weak, I am not sure how much help I could really be to myself. Earlier I bent down to get the watermelon out of the bottom drawer, and had difficulty standing up.

When I was on Cisplatin last summer it was in smaller doses and miserable. I cannot even begin to imagine how it would have been in only one dose. I am fairly sure I have had a cake walk until now. And if that doesn't tell you something about what many must go through with treatment - especially if you know what I have been through - then I don't know what would.

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