Monday, June 1, 2015

There have been times...

There have been times I have been "accused" of being really negative during this cancer journey. This cancer dance. I actually can't decide which is a better metaphor for what I am dealing with, actually.

At least during a journey you might get to rest. If you are dancing, you dance. If you're not dancing, you are sitting it out. Dealing with cancer, I never get to sit it out. I never get to decline the offer. I either dance, or I quite possibly die.

Right before I typed that I thought about the statement. Is it accurate? Is it possible to not dance, and still live? I don't really know the answer, and that is why I chose to use the words "quite possibly" before die.

Those who have seen all the of so-called "negative" that I have shared (which is really more of a "what is so" for me) likely have never been so immersed in a situation that has come anywhere close to resembling mine. I would like to think that if they had, they would not be as critical. Maybe they would not be critical, at all.

Some people just have no idea what it is like to have to deal with what I deal with. None. They might get upset at things, and life might not always go their way, but odds are their upsets are no where even close to the neighborhood of mine. They likely aren't as intense, long lasting - or even potentially life ending. But that wouldn't mean they wouldn't feel that way. It just really wouldn't be accurate. If they had some perspective, they may even come to realize that the things they really think matter, don't. Or, at least not as much as they think they do.

It makes me think about my situation. Is it possible there is perspective that would alter the way I see the world? Is there perspective that could alter the way I feel, and have me not feel so down and depleted?


Once again, I walked away in the middle of writing, and once again, I will just declare what is complete...

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