This person has not read my book. Even if he had, he probably would not realize that what he was saying was hitting a sensitive spot.
Having sex at this point is more difficult than it has ever been. Not only have I not had it since I had my hysterectomy, I have never been one to take it lightly. If I was going to do it with someone, it would be because we cared about each other. Given that I am not currently in a relationship, finding someone to be "that" person becomes all that much more difficult given the "cancer card." I also need to be cautious regarding any transmitted diseases, given how my immune system likely is at the moment.
There is a possibility I will never have sex again.
That is a tough pill to swallow. And anyone who tries to make light of that in some way apparently does not get how significant that is to me.
I tried to be calm, and explain to the person that he had hit a sensitive spot, and now that he knows, please do not do it again. I tried to give him latitude because he obviously had no clue all that was stored up emotionally for me behind this topic. It isn't even"just" about sex. Will I ever feel deeply and romantically loved ever again?
We were on the phone having this conversation, and I was getting teary. Writing about this is upsetting, too. I don't talk about this, in part, because of the pain. But maybe it is all the more reason I should. This particular person has a knack for doing this to me. While I have wanted to walk away more than once, he is still in the picture - pushing my buttons.
I can only guess he is meant to, so that I can face this stuff. But isn't there a better way than him pushing me the way he does to such horrible, emotional places? Granted, I often feel better afterward, but still.
So much crap woven together. Ugh. And the bonus is that today my digestion is still out of whack. The "good" thing is that I have lost a bit of weight, but I am not sure there isn't a better way to be doing that, as well.