In the Vein of Things Working...

I wanted to also write about the friend I live with.

I moved in with him last year.  He said I could
live with him a year.  It was all that he promised me,
given he wasn't sure what his plans were.

Our relationship has been very unorthodox from the
start, and things have turned out much differently
than I would have thought when we first got to
know each other.

We met right after his mother had passed away.
And during the time I have known him, his dad
has also passed away.

In both cases, his parents moved in with him for
a short time, only to stay longer when they were
diagnosed with cancer.  In both cases he was the
caretaker who had no time or energy to care for
himself.  Both situations ran him ragged.

So imagine what it would be like for me to tell
him one day what I was facing.

It was an incredibly insane set of circumstances,
and I was beside myself.  So many told me that
I had to take care of myself when I was expressing
concern for him.  At the same time, I had to
explain that I was taking care of myself by the
concern I had for him.  If I didn't consider him,
it could hurt or damage a relationship that I have
come to hold very dear - which would ultimately
complicate other matters.

I had a conversation with him before I went into
the hospital.  I wanted to do whatever I could to
be careful about crossing any lines.  The problem
was there was no clear way to define the line.

People often ask me if I live alone.  The answer is
complicated.  Do I live alone?  No.  But...am I
solely responsible for my expenses?  Yes.  Can
I rely on my friend to help me in regard to other
needs?  Well...I believe I can, but to what degree 
would I ask?

I am very sensitive to what he has gone through,
and they were his parents.  I am "just" a friend.
Yes.  Friends do help each other, but friends are
also mindful of where another has been.

Occasionally I will ask for something, but when
I do, it is without an expectation that he will say
yes.  Better yet, he has taken to asking me if I
want/need anything many times when he is out
and/or grocery shopping.

While the situation isn't ideal (although how a
situation like this would ever be ideal I haven't
a clue) I am appreciative of the fact that I am
not alone, and that I do have some help.  And,
if there ever was a situation in which I was truly
in need, I do believe he would be there for me.

Before my move I lived in California.  I am so
glad that I listened to that inner voice that said
I needed to get out.  I have no idea how I would
have managed through all of this had I been out
there.  I am just sorry that my friend is a part
of this in the way that he is.  At the same time,
I am grateful in ways that I can not fully express.

Does that mean everything is working?  Hardly.
But at least in moments of receptivity, it is one
thing I can focus on and be grateful for.