Statistics

When I found out that there was a label of cancer
being bantered about in relation to me, no one
said, "go home and get your affairs in order."

No one quoted me any statistics, and I never
asked for any.  I did my best to be careful what
I looked at on the internet, and the few times
that I did look without being cautious enough,
I saw things I was probably best not seeing.

I realize there may be some who want to know
these kinds of things, and perhaps for some
beating the odds is a game they will want to
play and win.  For some it may be a good thing
to know the things that people say about what
is going on with them.

The fact for me is that there is no one anywhere
who knows what will happen for me.  There is
no one anywhere who knows how my treatment
will go, and what will happen.  All things point
in the direction of good, and that is good enough
for me.

You may wonder why I don't want the statistics.
In case you do, I will tell you.  I don't want the
statistics because I am uninterested in them
getting into my head.  I would not want to
unconsciously be affected by what a statistic
suggests.  I realize there may be "good" things
that might be suggested, at the same time, if
you think about it, there is always a statistic
in regard to cancer that talks about death.

If I am going to move forward, and continue
to live, I would much rather focus on what
life has to offer.  I would much rather just
live life.  For that reason, I am asking you to
refrain from giving me anything that has to
do with statistics and cancer.  If there is
something that says XXX is good for someone
who has that issue, you can feel free to share 
it with me, but I do not need to know (nor do
I want to know) the statistic that goes along 
with it.

As I write this, I wonder how others "do"
their diagnosis.  I have seen many things 
online.  Lots of positivity and lots of smiling.
If those people truly feel as they appear, I
admire them.

It is not to say that I don't have my moments
of smiling, of positivity, of normalcy, but I
had decided a while ago that I would be as
real as I could be with my experience.  And
for me those moments are only a part of the
reality that I am experiencing.

As much as I would like to be some other
way at times, I figure I am doing myself a
disservice if I do not acknowledge how I
truly feel.  Plus, if there is truth in "what 
you resist, persists," I am not doing myself
any favors by suppressing or ignoring what
is really going on.  I probably have a better
chance of moving on or changing it by 
at least acknowledging it.

That likely means I am on a rollercoaster
for the time being.  As long as I don't 
live in the down moments, and I continue
to have the moments that take me up, I 
am going to consider myself doing OK.

The fact is, I don't really know how else
I can be.  Perhaps this is how it is supposed
to be.  If we learn about life through the
challenges we face, it should be something
to see what I "get" when everything is said
and done.

I just love my rational, logical mind.  It
makes things sound so good.  I suppose
it makes sense.  After all, if life didn't
have positive upsides, what would be the
point of being here at all?

Can't wait to see that brass ring.