There are times I don't know how I used to wake up to an alarm and go to work every day. It is a very different dynamic, and I certainly prefer waking up in a more "natural" way. The trade off is that I pretty much work all of the time. It wasn't always like that. And some would say I need to give myself a break.
I wouldn't disagree. The thing is, though, that I get caught up doing things, and before I know it, hours have passed. I sometimes work until I just can't any more. It isn't that I love pushing myself, but rather that I do not really feel like I have room to play. I have too much to do. I really am beyond overwhelmed at this point.
Today I go for my 3 month follow up, and then I head up to New York for a couple of days. I don't really feel up to it, but I really want to see Braco (pronounced Brat-zo). Some people make fun of him and what he does, and quite frankly, I don't know what to make of him and what he does, but given I am open-minded, and can use all the help I can get. I figure it is worth doing, at least once.
I told someone I was going to do it, and her response was something to the effect that I am not dealing with cancer any more. She is correct, to a point. but even still, my body is not doing that great. There are times I have discomfort and even pain. I am not the epitome of health, and not to mention, I am exhausted most days. Putting that all aside, it is interesting to me that people often have the attitude that if it ain't broke completely, then there is nothing to fix.
There may still be nothing to "fix," really, but that doesn't mean that there isn't room for improvement.
I am at times concerned about the pace I am going at. I am not sure it is in my best interest, but I really do not know what else to do. I wish I knew where the balance was. I wish I knew what was an effective use of my energies and time.
In some ways I feel very focused, and in others, scattered. It is all a part of a bigger picture. But there is only one me, and the picture has a whole lotta parts.
Even as I head to New York, I reluctantly am taking my laptop. I was thinking it would be good to take a day and not work, but something is up in the air, and if I can't act on it should it come through, I will lose an opportunity I am not sure I want to lose. I don't really know what to wish for: a reason to use my laptop or my laptop brought for nothing.
Although I have a 20 page talk to type up at some point. I suppose I could read my handwriiten version. But I am thinking larger type - which would be totally legible - would not only be a good idea, but the best. among other things, it occurs to me that a typed version could be shared online. So even if the video doesn't work out, that could. I kinda like that idea, actually. I have also thought I might do an audio version which I could do outside of the event, if need be.
I really should not be taking this time now. I have too much going on. And Monday is my interview with Anna Renault. There is slso networking going on next week that I may not go to. We will have to see how I am feeling, and how much energy I have. Friday and Saturday are going to be busy days, and Saturday a long one. And Sunday is my talk, followed by something else I will be doing. I may need to conserve for the weekend. Although, I don't know how much conservation there will be, as I am still planning what I will be doing there.
I am considering doing some on the spot intuitive readings (3 questions for $5) as well. That should make things pretty interesting. And I am also thinking of making a catalog of things I do, with "expo only" specials. There is so much to me, I am not really sure how best to proceed...
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