Sunday, September 6, 2015


Earlier I posted a request on Facebook for support for a clear scan. I am so tired of this chemo treadmill. I can't take it any more.

Not long after, I started feeling depressed. There are things going on in my life that are making me question my value in being here. 

It seems very few people seem to give a damn about me, my situation, the things I say. If what I say doesn't matter, and my say is all I got these days, why the hell am I here?

I haven't been able to do art or jewelry, or pretty much anything except sleep, eat, and lay in bed. This is not only no life, it is a lonely, alone one. 

What is the point?

I have been crying on and off. I am so tired of so many things, and a part of me wants to include "life" on the list.

I realize the dichotomy. Asking for a life affirming, clear scan while a part of me seems more than happy to exit.

I also recognize that my meaning can't be wrapped up in stuff or other people. But just because I recognize it doesn't mean I know what the hell to do about it.

Such a freaking emotional day. I am not handling anything very well. In fact, it is pretty much the opposite of "well." 

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